We adopted sisters through foster care adoption. One of the sisters was a teenager and the other was nine years old at the time of their adoptions. Since they were older, they knew all of their birth family members’ phone numbers. We also lived in the same city as all of their birth family.

For two years prior to their adoption, we were their foster family. During that time, we established an open relationship with their birth family. The girls frequently spent weekends with either, one set of their grandparents, or aunts and uncles. Phone calls came in and went out on a regular basis.

I suppose the birth family would have known the teenager better, since she had obviously lived with them longer than her younger sister had. I guess it would also make sense that a teenager would have made more phone calls and stayed on the phone longer than a nine year old would have.

It so happened that the teenager was charismatic while the younger sister was stoic. We found out several years later that the younger sister suffered from a severe anxiety disorder. Once she started taking medication for her anxiety, she was much more outgoing. However, when she was younger some people thought she was weird, some thought she was a snob, and others thought she was exceedingly shy. I guess some of the birth family may have gotten the impression that she didn’t want anything to do with them.

Whenever any of their relatives called, they always asked to speak to the teenager. They would call and ask if the teenager could spend the night, or go out to eat, or attend a family get together. I would always have to say, “Are you inviting her younger sister as well, or just the teenager?” They would always say that both girls could come.

Once the teenager turned 16 and got a job, and a car, they quit calling the house with invitations. The family members would either call the teenager at work or go and visit her at work. That’s when the younger sister stopped getting invitations.

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