What if you are fostering a sibling group and the time has come to move towards adoption, but not for the whole sibling group? There are various reasons this might happen. One of the siblings may be acting out in such a way that the agency feels that child isn’t ready to be adopted, but the other siblings are ready. The siblings may not have the same two birth parents, and one hasn’t had parental rights terminated yet. One of the siblings may be eligible for services and the other not.

Unfortunately, these circumstances usually arise with older children who are very aware of the adoption of their siblings. If you try to put yourself in the shoes of that child, what might you think and how might you feel? Certainly, you would think that, it isn’t fair.

Would you wonder if the adoptive family really wanted to adopt you? Would you wonder if the adoptive family loved your siblings, but not you? Would you wonder if the adoptive family was going to “get rid of you” after the adoption of your siblings?

Would you act out and do naughty things because of your feelings? Would you hurt you’re your siblings because of your jealousy? Maybe you would become depressed and withdraw from the family.

My friends had fostered a sibling group of three for nearly three years before they were able to adopt them. Their agency was quite adamant that the older child was not ready to be adopted, and they wanted my friends to adopt just the younger two children. After seeking the counsel of the children’s therapists, other adoption professionals, and various adoptive parents, my friends decided this was not a good choice. They sort of went over the heads of their agency and adopted the siblings together.

Another couple has fostered a sibling group of two for over five years. Currently they are pursuing the adoption of just the older child. He was mistakenly given American Indian membership, while his full sister was not. The tribe will not take away his membership because it was their error, however they will not give membership to his sister. He is eligible for services as a result and she is not. Currently a lawyer is working on her services, but his adoption will go through first. I wonder how she will feel and react?


For information/instructions on how to subscribe FREE to your favorite AdoptionBlogs, please visit this link. your favorite AdoptionBlogs

Who’s a Sibling in Adoption? Who isn’t?
Why should siblings be placed together?
Should Siblings Available for Adoption be Placed with Their Already Adopted Siblings?

Photo Credit