If you have adopted a child from the foster care system, then chances are your child has one or more siblings, somewhere. Sometimes you know where those siblings are, and then you can help to foster a sibling relationship. Younger siblings often emulate older siblings, and that part of the sibling relationship seems to happen even when they live in different families.

Older siblings can be a source of encouragement and unconditional love for your child. Unfortunately, once they get to those later teen years, their focus tends to turn towards love relationships, friends, and jobs. Like most typical teenagers, they just don’t have time for their family. We’ve experienced this with three of our adopted children so far, and our adult birth child.

Lyn, our 13-year-old daughter, has reached a difficult point in her relationship with her older brother. She has always looked up to him and they’ve always shared a special bond. Each summer, for the past four years, he has helped at our church during Vacation Bible School.

Her brother happens to be friends with the Rural Bible Missions Missionary. He would ride each morning to our church with the missionary, help with VBS, and then spend the rest of the day with Lyn. Usually, he would even spend a night at our house, sometime during the week. She assumed she would be seeing him at VBS as usual this summer.

However, he has turned 18 and is working full time, plus some, this summer. His job keeps him on the road, traveling to the different job sites, so he didn’t make it to VBS. Lyn was quite devastated, she didn’t expect this to happen.

The same thing happened with our daughters who are now adults. Their older sister lived with a maternal aunt. When she was about 16, her focus turned to school, friends, and work, so we hardly ever saw her. Then when she settled down, around 23, she once again became a big part of their lives.

I imagine, in a few years, Lyn’s older brother will settle down and we’ll be seeing a lot more of him. However, for now, we’ll focus on her younger birth sisters who live in neighboring Wisconsin and how she can be a positive influence on them.


Youth Leadership Advisory Team Position Paper: Siblings in Foster Care and Adoption All Content © YLAT 2002

Separated siblings are robbed of future family connections as well; they may never know their nieces and nephews, and their children will miss out on knowing aunts and uncles.
65% - 85% of children entering the foster care system have at least one sibling.
30% of youth in foster care have four siblings or more.
75% of siblings end up apart when they enter foster care; three out of four children placed in foster care are separated from at least one sibling.

Related Post:
That’s My Brother, We Came from the Same Mom
Who’s a Sibling in Adoption? Who isn’t?
Why should siblings be placed together?
Should Siblings Available for Adoption be Placed with Their Already Adopted Siblings?