Stubbornness must be a hereditary trait because I see my adopted daughters setting their jaw exactly like their birthparents and grandparents. One of the advantages of an open adoption is realizing your daughters’ come by some traits quite honestly. Hopefully, that helps us parents not to take it personally. I thought my daughter, who is now an adult, was stubborn growing up until I met my recently adopted 10-year-old daughter. She continues to give grief over schoolwork. Last year I thought she was purposely not doing schoolwork because she wanted to be homeschooled with her siblings. Apparently, I was wrong because she continues not to do assignments on purpose now that she is homeschooled.

Our recent battle of the wills involves a project for Spanish class. The computer assigns projects and reports about three weeks before they are do to give the student ample time to research or gather needed materials. A couple of times a week I grade projects or essay questions on the computer and make sure my students are up to date on their assignments.

I talked to my daughter about the Spanish project she had skipped. I let her know that I realized it was past do and she needed to make a list of the materials she needed. A week later, when she still hadn’t given me a list I told her that I had purchased the materials that she needed to do the project anyway while grocery shopping.

She gave me a dirty look. Two weeks have gone by and she still hasn’t done the project. Five times during the past two weeks, I have cooked Mexican food so that she could easily do the project that involves making an enchilada. On Monday morning, I informed her that she needed to do her project by 6:30 or she would shower and go to bed early. On Tuesday morning, I informed her that she needed to do her project by 6:30 or shower and go to bed early.

We have continued to play this game everyday. Today, she did extra things around the house. Without being asked, she cleaned the kitchen table after lunch. At 6:30 this evening, I thanked her for doing the extra jobs. Then I said, “I really appreciate the extra work you did today, but you still haven’t done your project so you will have to go to bed now.” I tried to sound sympathetic.

I really don’t understand her stubbornness on this. She could easily do the project, but won’t. Therefore, she continues to earn the consequences. I might add that she is very intelligent, personable, makes and retains friends easily. She is 10 and doing solid fifth grade work in all subjects.

Photo Credit Julia Fuller 2007