part 1

I found myself just holding on to the papers for about a week, praying for the comfort that I received earlier in his adoption process that told us to press forward. I emailed my very dear friend, Cindy, whom I knew would understand, because one of the children she has adopted can be quite difficult. Would God send me two incredibly difficult children? After all, I already had one child who was no cake walk. Her reply was a huge answer to prayer as she reminded me to walk by faith and remember the peace that God had given me in my heart when we first saw Caleb's file and felt strongly that he should be our son.

I thought of one of my favorite quotes, "I would rather walk with God in the dark than walk alone in the light." Sometimes in my life He has required me to take a step into the darkness and trust in Him before the light has come.

If you are struggling with the thoughts of an older child adoption and whether or not you can do it, I would like to share the words that my friend sent me. They gave me peace inside, knowing that yes, everything could go wrong, but also, everything could go very right. Sort of a half-empty, half-full choice on which perspective I wanted to take.

• What if Caleb has serious medical problems that you don't know about?



• What if he has adjustment issues beyond just being a scared 11 year old boy on the other side of the earth from everything familiar?



• What if he acts out and causes more chaos in your life?



• What if he will never be normal physically, mentally or emotionally?



• What if he has huge emotional issues related to his life of pain and rejection?



• What if he fights with Ben?

But...

• What if Caleb blesses your life with a spirit of kindness?




• What if he connects with Ben and is able to touch that part of Ben that you can't touch...that part of him that is also still at times a frightened boy, too, whose world was turned upside down?



• What if Caleb teaches, by example, what it means to accept your limitations?



• What if he teaches, by example, gratefulness?



• What if Caleb inspires just one more person to adopt an older child?



• What if he graduates from college and becomes a teacher and touches the lives of countless other kids?



• What if he becomes a congressman or a senator and changes the state of health care in this country?



• What if Caleb becomes a loving husband and father and gives you wonderful grandchildren to love in your old age?



• What if he teaches you something about life and the preciousness of it that you don't know now?



• What if he grows up and adopts from China, too, and one of his children fulfills a divine purpose?

Adopting an 11 year old required a great leap of faith, but it was a step that was so worth taking. I'm grateful for a friend who taught me that the pros would outweigh the cons, and that even though it might seem difficult, to "Be Not Afraid."