This painting by Greg Olsen is one of my favorites. It's titled "Be Not Afraid", and it gives me courage and inspiration whenever I look at it...especially when I hear comments like this:

"Eleven years old? That's the age where I start to want to get rid of my boys! I can't imagine bringing home an 11 year old boy!"

That's what a friend told me when I announced our adoption to her, and I assure you she wasn't alone in her comments. I heard quite a few along those lines throughout the adoption process for Caleb. Something tells me people wouldn't have responded the same way had I said we were bringing home a baby. 11 year olds don't get the cooing oohs and ahhs that a baby does.

I won't lie to you and tell you that adoption of an older child is exactly like giving birth to a baby, because for me it wasn't. I do think that adopting a newborn baby would feel pretty much the same to me as when I gave birth 4 times, but adopting an older child who already comes with a history feels very different. Once they are home and we begin to attach to each other, I think my love for them is every bit as strong as if I had given birth to them, but it does take a bit longer for me to reach that level.

No, there are no guarantees with biological children, but my biological children have my medical history and I happen to know whether or not I drank or smoked or did drugs (no to all 3) while pregnant, and I also know whether or not my family has a history of mental illness. (I guess that one depends on my mood and which day you ask me!) :) None of my adopted children came with any kind of family history, which can be frightening to many prospective parents.

After adopting two four year olds, it was a much larger leap of faith to pursue the adoption of an eleven year old. Would he understand what a family meant? Would he be willing to attach to us, and would we be willing to attach to him? I have read adoption specialists say that it takes one year for every year your child was in an orphanage to fully attach to a family. I can buy that for a 2 year old--taking at least two years. Or a four year old taking a full four years to fully adjust is believable, but does that mean Caleb will be 22 before he finally feels a part of our family? He didn't spend all 11 years of his life in an orphanage, but he did have multiple caregivers during those 11 years.

Each time we have adopted, it has required a leap of faith that we are doing what is best for our family and our new child. With Caleb's adoption, when I finally got his referral papers and was asked to sign on the dotted line, I got cold feet. Yes, this was a child whom I had seen in pictures for over a year, and I knew his file better than I knew the most recent best-seller. After all, I'd read it for what seemed like a bazillion times, looking for insights into his personality. But...now that we needed to accept the referral, I started thinking, "it's not too late to back out", "Once you sign, it's forever", and "Can I really do this?"

Continued...