Continued from part 3

If you can’t find someone locally, perhaps you can find someone who can at least help over the telephone. Even though I have 3 local contacts who can help me communicate with Caleb, if I can’t get ahold of one, I also have the cell phone numbers of two people who live out of state who are willing to translate over the phone. It isn’t as good as in person, but it works in a pinch. Often those kinds of contacts come via word of mouth. Others hear you are adopting from another country and may say, “Oh I have a friend in another state who lived there for a few years” or “I have a 2nd cousin twice removed who is from there.” Don’t discount those comments…ask for contact information because you may need to use them when your child arrives home.

Two caveats for using others to interpret between you and your child. Some children arrive home and refuse to speak their native language even with others who are fluent. They are either not comfortable around strangers, or associate the language with negative memories. No one seems to really know why, but it is a common occurrence. Generally it seems to happen with younger children. With Caleb being 11,however, he has been starved to chat in Chinese with others who can speak to him.

On the opposite end of the spectrum of those children who won’t speak to someone, are the children who decide that perhaps life with this fluent speaker would be better and easier than life in your home. Remember that your ultimate goal is to have your child speak English and attach to you, not the Indian restaurant owner down the street. Some parents have reported that their child refused to speak English, later telling their parents “Why should I speak English if I can just wait to talk to Mom’s friend in Spanish?” or whatever language your child speaks. That is one of the reasons that I use fluent speakers as interpreters only after I have tried all other means of communication. Obviously if you have a message that needs conveying that could negatively impact your child should you have miscommunication, then by all means ask a fluent speaker to convey it for you.

If you are calling others to interpret 3 or 4 times/day, however, you might need to rethink some of your communication strategies and see if there is another way you can get your message across to each other.
Communicating with someone when you speak two different languages can be hard work, but the more you and your child work at it, the faster your attachment will grow.

Continued...