part 2


"Do I give in? Is this too mean? Is it being abusive?"
I peppered her with questions. Her replies gave me renewed faith in my decision.

"Does he hoard food in his room?"
" No."

"Does he eat until he vomits?"
"No, but he takes food with us anytime we leave in the car for anywhere, even if it is a short trip."

"Does he do that because he truly feels he won't be fed again, or does he do it because he knows you won't stop at McDonald's every time he asks?"

"I'm sure it is far more the latter reason."
"Then let him go hungry. His food issues aren't enough to scar him over missing dinner for one night. After all, he's always had food available 100% of the time after entering your home. If you cave in now, think how hard it will be the next time around."

Probably the best advice, however, came when she said, "You are doing it because you love him and want to teach him that his choices have consequences. He will think you are doing it to be mean and spiteful, however, so make sure you show him an increase of love."

With renewed resolve, I told him it was time to go take a shower and get his pajamas on and then he could read before bed. He refused, so Jeff had to physically take him there, all while listening to the escalating "I'm hungry!" pleas.

I know it sounds mean and heartless, and it was one of the most difficult things I have done, but I did need to let him find the natural consequence to his choice. His "I'm hungry!" pleas that started out yelling and angry became whimpering as he slowly dropped off to sleep. I gave him a hug and many kisses, told him I loved him and that I would see him at breakfast in the morning.

He was up by 6 a.m.--this from a child who usually sleeps in until at least 8:30. No running to the kitchen to sneak food which is what I thought he would do. Instead, he politely asked Jeff if he could eat something. We had agreed the night before that we would not hound him with any "boy did you make a wrong choice" or "I hope you learned your lesson" type lectures. The decision was done and over, and we would move on. Jeff quietly handed him the pear that he requested, and received a "Thank you, Baba." After the pear came a bowl of noodles, an apple, a banana, and then about 20 minutes later a hot dog sandwich that he chose to make for himself.

He didn't inhale his food as I expected, nor did he grab food and go hide it in his bedroom. Instead he calmly and quietly ate as much as he wanted until he was satisfied. No one restricted him when he wanted a snack later, nor was he limited in his food choices at lunch time. I think he clearly understands that he can indeed have food available to him at all times and that he isn't ever going to starve as long as he lives in our home, but that he also needs to come and eat dinner when dinner is offered, and not turn up his nose thinking that he will eat when he dang well feels good and ready.

Score one for Love and Logic methods and Coke Machine parenting.