part 1

A few minutes later when I figured I had given him enough time to cool off, I reiterated that he needed to come help by setting the table. He turned his back to me. Slot machine parenting error number two. Micheline set the table for him, and received points toward television time, all within earshot as he sat trying to ignore us.

Everyone else came to dinner and when I told him that he needed to come to the table, he kept his face turned away and would not respond. At this point I got my act together and decided to become a Coke Machine Mom. I walked over to where he was sitting and told him that he did indeed have the right to choose not to come to dinner, but that his actions would have consequences. He could sit in the chair and go hungry, or come to eat with the rest of us, but that there would be no food later if he chose not to eat now. Due to his limited English skills, this was all done with much pantomime while he watched me out of the corner of his eye with his head still turned away as much as he could.

As we were eating, Jeff invited him to come to dinner one last time, thinking that maybe if Caleb was only mad at Mom, then perhaps he would comply with Dad's request. Jeff reiterated that this was dinner and that there would be no other choices for food later. Also,we were having pizza, a food that Caleb loves. No answer.

Finally, when everyone was done eating, I said "I'm sad that you chose to miss dinner time tonight. I guess you will eat a very large breakfast tomorrow morning." Uh oh...battle lines were now officially drawn, and he would decide to see if I really meant it.

I cleared the table and as I was cleaning up the kitchen, Caleb decided to come in and start looking through the refrigerator. I told him that I was sorry, but the kitchen was now closed for dinner and that he had made a choice earlier by not coming to the table to eat with the rest of us. He looked at me with true disbelief and then began to tell me off in a mixture of English and Chinese and went back to his chair in the living room.

About ten minutes went by and he decided to try "take two". He came over to the pantry, grabbed himself an orange and began to peel it over the garbage can. I calmly walked over and removed it from his hand and said, "We already had dinner and you chose not to eat with us. I am sorry that you made an unwise decision, but you can have a large breakfast in the morning."

This led to much weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth in Biblical proportions. "I am hungry!" started and continued for well over 30 minutes. Jeff asked me if I was going to cave in and let him eat something and I told him no, or we would really pay the next time around.

If this had been one of my biological children, the case would have been black and white, open and shut. I began to doubt myself, however, because after all, this was a child who had known real hunger in his life and who had food issues. So, I called my friend long distance who had adopted an older child as well.


continued...