Many states have policies about siblings remaining together for adoption, even if they haven’t been in a foster care placement together. Should that policy also govern placement when one of the siblings being considered for adoption is severely mentally disabled? What if that disabled sibling is preventing the other sibling from being adopted?

This situation does actually occur; I’ve seen these siblings on the various state websites that list available children for adoption. It also happened to the older sisters of one of my adopted daughters.

One sister had Angelman syndrome, a rather severe form of mental retardation characterized by hand flapping, being nonverbal, poor coordination or balance, and a happy demeanor. The state was adamant that the older sister “B” be placed for adoption with the sister with Angelman syndrome.

Several families who knew “B” contacted the state agency requesting that they be considered as the adoptive placement for her. Somewhat unusual perhaps because “B” was already 11 years old, and not many families come forward for older children. “B” was also considered harder to place because she had been in multiple foster care placements. Unfortunately, the main reason for the multiple placements was because she had to be placed with her sister with Angelman syndrome.

Therefore, “B” waited in foster care for several years before an adoptive family was found that would consider both children. “B” would be the highest functioning child the family had ever adopted. They weren’t sure “B” would be a really good fit in their family because many of their children were bed-ridden, so they didn’t go on many outings. “B” like most teenagers wanted to always be on the move.

This isn’t an isolated incident. Take time to look on some state websites and you will find many similar scenarios. Should these children remain in foster care indefinitely until a home can be found where they can live together? Should they be separated so that the sibling without the severe special needs can find a forever family sooner and begin leading a normal life?

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Photo of Michael Whyte