I love Christmas eve. I mean, I really love Christmas eve, far more than Christmas day. It's the anticipation of the beautifully wrapped gifts, the excitement the young ones have of knowing Santa is coming, having a nice Christmas eve dinner surrounded by family, reading the Christmas story out of Luke and enjoying the lights on the tree and a crackling fire in the fireplace. Christmas day to me has always felt rather anti-climactic.

Today is the last day of February and for some reason I am feeling melancholy...sort of "Christmas dayish" to coin a phrase. Perhaps the anticipation of Caleb's first Valentine's Day and first Chinese New Year with us, first doctors' appointments which were incredibly frustrating, combined with Black History Month and the sadness that racism brings to my mind all have contributed to an overwhelmed sort of feeling. Don't even mention the loads of laundry and dishes each day that also lead to being overwhelmed.

I would never say I feel that I have post-adoption depression, because I have experienced that, and this feeling is nothing like it. I know this one is transient. However, I do worry sometimes about Caleb and how he feels about this whole adoption thing after having been home with us for six weeks. He has seemed a bit melancholy today and it started when we were driving down the road to Ben's speech therapy. He didn't want to talk, and he's usually quite chatty. He was very quiet and distant as we listened to a CD of Jay Chou, who is a very popular Chinese pop singer out of Hong Kong. Was it the language bringing back memories of home? Does he want to be here? Did anyone ask him how he really felt about this whole idea of picking up and moving to the other side of the world? I know he is attaching well and expresses love for us often, but the reality of your world turning upside down has to be pretty dang overwhelming at times.

I wonder if he too is feeling rather "Christmas dayish". He's been pretty grumpy tonight and I worry about what is in his heart. I've tried to get him to put it down in a journal for a sort of catharsis, but he is not in the mood to write a word, and he doesn't have enough English nor do I have enough Chinese for the two of us to just chat about it. All I can do his hold him and tell him I love him and hope that sometime in the very near future we will be able to chat more indepth.

Meanwhile, it is onward and upward. I'm thankful God gave us only 24 hours in a day so when we are feeling rather down and emotionally worn out, we can try again tomorrow. I thank God daily for sunrises and the chance to start anew. Happy end of February, and may all my readers have a blessed and wonderful March.