Whenever they are playing games, sharing snacks, or just helping others, do your children who are birth siblings always choose each other instead of a sibling by adoption? It doesn’t seem to matter how long the siblings have been in your home. Their choices never seem to take into consideration who is the most deserving or needy at the time either. It doesn’t even matter if they are passing out extra chores; they still choose their birth siblings.

As a parent, I sometimes find this phenomenon a bit frustrating. I like to think that I treat my children as equally as I can. Certainly, their needs are very different so I can’t be 100 percent equal. I have a child with a low IQ, which falls in the mildly retarded range, as well as a child 10 months older who’s IQ falls in the genius range. Therefore, the child with the lower IQ gets more of my individual teaching time and the child with the higher IQ goes to college.

However, when it comes to playing instruments, sports, youth activities, or clothing they all make their choices and have equal opportunities. So why don’t they learn by observation to make their choices a little more fairly?

Do you think it is anxiety related? There is always a chance of rejection when choosing someone. Perhaps they feel that there is less of a chance of rejection when choosing a birth sibling.

Does it have something to do with the old adage, “Blood runs thicker than water?” Two of my children that are birth siblings came to our family at their births, nearly six years apart. You wouldn’t think they would have divided loyalties. They don’t really seem to have those issues.


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