As I mentioned in a blog yesterday, a reader asked me for some advice on encouraging her soon to be adopted daughter, to dress appropriately. Her question really had three parts so I decided it might be best to split them up. Yesterday, I covered adopted daughters wearing dirty clothes again. The second part of the reader’s question was about her daughter wearing clothes too tight. I tried to deal with this by appealing to logic for my first few years of foster and adoptive parenting. All that led to was arguing and one of us getting angry. I decided to make this a non-issue at our home by handling it another way. Clothes that I think are too tight, revealing, raggedy, or otherwise inappropriate have a way of disappearing once they arrive in the laundry room. That way, it isn’t an issue of contention; we have enough issues as it is.

Here is part of the question asked.

My future 11 year old has trouble dressing appropriately, but not necessarily modestly. She doesn't understand cleanliness of clothes, or that wearing clothing to small is unflattering. She is also having a hard time understanding why wearing a bra is important. How do I sensitively convey these messages?

If it is one of those days, when we are just staying at home, I don’t say much about how a child is dressed. The exception, if the clothing is too revealing, since we have both genders of teenagers living here.

If we are getting ready to leave and somebody isn’t dressed appropriately, I’ll say, “Here is a clean shirt for you to put on,” or something similar. If I smell body odor I tell the person directly to go put on some deodorant. When he or she returns from applying deodorant and I notice that the body odor has permeated the shirt then I ask them to change it.

I don’t think I have ever told anyone this, but I was one of those kids that didn’t want to start wearing a bra. They aren’t very comfortable especially when you aren’t used to them. The girls seem to enjoy bra shopping when we look for really cute bras with cartoon characters or fruits on them. They seem especially to like the ones with matching panties. Then you want to wear them together as an under outfit. We can also make a big deal about her "growing up" and having a new privilege. If she is into sports at all, or enjoys running or riding her bicycle then she needs some protection. You may need to check before school to make sure she has a bra on, if she doesn’t send her back to her one. Count your blessings if it is only the bra. One of my friends had to check her daughter every morning before junior high school to make sure she had underwear on.

Related Posts:
How Do I Stop My Adopted Daughters from Wearing Dirty Clothes?
Does Your Teenager Dress Modestly?

Photo Credit Julia Fuller 2007