If you have adopted children who have suffered trauma than you already know, that they tend to respond much better to rewards than consequences. Constantly dangling carrots out in front of adopted children who have suffered trauma can be quite effective in modifying their behavior. For children who have already lost everything, some more than once, taking away privileges or snacks or possessions rarely has the desired effects.

I guess I had gotten a little lazy and had returned to negative consequences to modify behavior. It does take a little effort and creativity to provide rewards and make a chart. However, after several years of not using the “credit sheet,” it is once again making its debut on the family refrigerator. It officially begins today.

Some of the children in our family were not living with us the last time we used the credit sheet. Therefore, we had a family meeting about the credit sheet on Friday to make sure each child understands how to earn credits. Each child was individually informed on how to fill in his or her credits. I also color-coded each child’s name to avoid confusion or using the wrong column. We also went over the number of credits required to earn the rewards to make sure each child understood.

The children seemed excited about the new policy. I am optimistic. Lately, I have been getting very frustrated with my daughters. Neither will turn in her homework everyday. I have asked, begged, cajoled, put signs all over the house, and given consequences all to no avail. None of my children seems to be able to make it to the laundry hamper with their dirty clothes.

Therefore, I made a list of my top pet peeves and included those on the credit sheet. There were nine of them, so I asked for suggestions from the children to make an even 10 available credits each day. Buck had the winning suggestion of getting a credit each day for hugging. He consistently gives hugs everyday, several times a day.

You can make a list of your top pet peeves and create your own credit sheet. I made mine in Microsoft Excel and it took about 20 minutes. Then think of rewards that motivate your children. Our rewards are a dollar for every 10 credits, a candy bar for every 20 credits, a soda for every 50 credits, and a trip to a fast food restaurant for every 100 credits.

This is my list for earning credits.

I asked mom to correct my homework before 9:30am.
I said my verses to mom.
I started my job at 1pm and finished it before 4pm.
Correctly took care of my laundry and returned other people’s clothes.
I got my lunch without being told between 11 and 12:30.
My bedroom is picked up, clothes in laundry, PJs on the bed.
My shoes, boots, coats, and jackets are put away correctly.
Cleared my dishes, rinsed them, and cleanup up any mess I made at all three meals.
Brush my teeth, comp my hair, take my pills without being told.
I hugged my mom and dad and told them that I loved them.

This can be especially helpful if you have adopted a sibling group recently. If you are dealing with multiple behaviors coming from several children at once who are also trying to learn your house rules.

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Photo Credit a Microsoft Excel spreadsheet created by Julia Fuller
November 16, 2007