My friends adopted a sibling group of five children many years ago. I have a special connection with this adoptive family because we parented two of their children. You see the siblings were split into two foster homes the first two times they came into foster care. These children really look like siblings probably because each has the same two birth parents, uncommon in foster care from my experience. Therefore, one might assume that their needs and goals might be similar. However, each child’s needs are very different.

One child was more severely abused by her birth family than the other four children were. The third time she came back to her foster, and ultimately adoptive family she was so traumatized that she could barely function. She had previously been a happy, outgoing, and intelligent toddler but now needed several medications to sleep, to go to school, or even to interact with peers.

She has stayed in an EI self-contained classroom for her school career, without much educational progress. Her parents continue to advocate for her at school, with counselors, and psychiatrist.

The two older girls were doing pretty well in regular education, until they reached middle school. One of the girls had always struggled with proper boundaries in peer relationships. Because she is outgoing and gregarious, she develops relationships easily.
Her parents were compelled to remove her from public school recently to preserve her modesty and reputation, and begin homeschooling her.

Her parents, like so many of us, expected her to desire purity after 10 years of attending church twice a week, plus kid’s clubs, Vacation Bible School, and Christian camps. It’s as if she just doesn’t “get it,” and I have a daughter with similar struggles, so I share their pain. The other sister is doing fine academically and socially in middle school.

The younger children have always been a little on the hyperactive side. They are friendly and confident, but easily distracted, especially when it comes to schoolwork. Their mom has worked beside them every evening to help them learn and complete their schoolwork. However, the parents finally had to seek out special services at school for one of them. It was time to request an Individual Education Plan (IEP) and get help. Poor grades and failure to complete assignments was taking its toll on the child’s self-esteem.

What a blessing to the children to be raised together as the brothers and sisters that they were born to be. Their parents love each of them and strive to meet their individual needs. However, it is quite a challenge to raise five children who suffered early trauma and abuse, together. Sometimes, it seems that there are not enough hours in a day. But, we all feel that way sometimes.

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