A couple of weeks ago we had an unplanned and unexpected sibling visit with two of my daughter’s older sisters. I mentioned in a previous blog how surprised and impressed I was with one older sister’s improved behavior. I asked her many questions as my 14-year-old daughter watched with mouth agape. However, that is not the only action we took. My daughter has always enjoyed riding our horses. However, she has not been allowed alone with the horses since the bad haircut incident. After the talk with her sister I thought it might help to discuss some of her sister’s changes. I mentioned in another blog how teenagers usually talk to parents better while driving or doing something physical. Therefore, I invited her to go horseback riding with me, just the two of us.

We actually had fun and it improved our dialogue a little. The week following our ride was a definite improvement in my daughter’s behavior. She completed her schoolwork each day as well as her household chores and even tried out being honest several times.
As a reward, I invited her to go horseback riding with me again the next weekend. She actually made more of an attempt to ride beside me so we could talk.

I had signed her up for a week of summer camp several months ago but told her that she needed to earn the privilege of going. If you cannot be trusted, lie, and steal, then you do not need to be with a group of girls who have not idea and cannot take precautions. While two weeks of trying to change behavior may not seem like much, for her it was amazing. Therefore, she was able to attend camp and is there now.

I even felt some pride as I dropped her off and hugged her. I know many families with children affected by fetal alcohol syndrome who struggle with the lying and stealing. We wonder if it will ever get better. I was beginning to lose my optimism about her future, but now I feel it coming back.



Photo Credit: 2008 Julia Fuller.