In my previous post on family nights, I shared with you how disastrous some of our family nights can be. This is no reason to give up on the idea, however. If you are worried that your family members don't spend enough time together and are constantly being pulled in different directions, you might want to think about establishing a family night of your own.

Our family celebrates Family Home Evening on Mondays, although we have had to move it to Sundays in times past when soccer practices on Monday nights caused scheduling conflicts. Whatever night you choose, stick with it and don't let other activities intrude on your family time.

How do you set up a successful family night?

Decide what you want to accomplish.
Is your goal to just have more fun together time, or is it to teach moral values? Do you want to turn it into a culture night where one night per week you focus on the language, foods and other aspects of your adopted child's birth culture? The sky is the limit, but write down some ideas of what you would like to accomplish and then you will have a rough outline to guide you when planning your evenings.

Be Prepared.
No, you don't need to be a Boy Scout, but if you try to throw something together at 6 p.m. on Monday evening while trying to get dinner on the table at the same time, it just may not work. If you are just having a game night, it would probably be fine, but if you want to teach a lesson on honesty because one of your children is struggling with telling the truth, you will need to take time during the week to prepare. The more fun activities you have, the more the children will look forward to the evening. One resource book that I love is Teaching Your Children Values by Richard and Linda Eyre. They have all kinds of ideas on how to impart family values to children from preschool age on up through high school.

Delegate, delegate, delegate.
If you try to run a family night yourself each week, you will burn out. Let your spouse take a turn at running the night and once you feel you are up and running, let the children also take turns planning the evening. Even if it is your night to plan this week, assign out responsibilities to each member of the family so they will all feel a part of the night. One child can help make refreshments, another can lead the family in a fun song, and yet another can even teach a lesson. Ben likes to teach whatever lesson he had in church on Sunday and it not only gives him a sense of pride, it also cements the concepts in his mind when he has to try to teach them to someone else.

Be Flexible.
If Susie wants to play "Button, Button, Whose Got the Button?" for a game the 6th week in a row, smile and go along with it. Try to remind your teens that they too were young at one time and also chose games that could be quite irritating. :)

If Joseph wants to stand on his head during your story time, does it really matter as long as he is listening? If you force him to sit up and pay attention, will he become upset and then not listen at all?

If your children have a huge age range like mine do, (from 23 down to 6 with an 18 year old down to a 6 year old still at home) try to work out something that will apppeal to all ages. Have a fun game or short story that teaches a moral to the younger kids, and then excuse them to go play or get ready for bed while you chat with the older ones on their level. If your teen simply does not want to play another round of Chutes and Ladders, set up two games where the younger ones can play something on their level while the older ones play a game that is more challenging. Or, you can always form teams and let an older child partner with a younger one. Our youngest can't keep up with the game of Spoons, but she can help someone else and be the first to grab a spoon when she sees her partner has 3 of a kind.


Have fun!
Remember that the point of your time together is to get to know each other better, build each other up, show love, and overall just enjoy each other's company. If you are saying "Get in here, sit down and be quiet!", no one is going to have very much fun. Don't be afraid to laugh even after you've had a bad day. Children might want to act silly rather than pay attention, so act silly with them. Surprise them with the fact that Mom and Dad can have fun too.

Don't give up!
No matter how many bad family nights you have, don't give up or quit trying. Families are being assaulted right and left by a lack of traditional values, and what better way to teach your children what your values are, than imparting them when you are together as a family.

One of my favorite memories is from when our oldest 4 children were very young. We turned off the lights on a cold winter night and lit a fire in the fireplace. As we sat in the family room, we took turns choosing a song for the family to sing. The mood in the room was gentle and loving, and when we finished, Taylor expressed that he felt so warm and peaceful inside. He wanted to know if we could do that the following week as well, and mentioned that night for many years to follow.

Although the peaceful and smooth running nights may be hard to come by, when they do happen, you are making memories that will last a lifetime. Give family nights a try...you'll be glad you did!

Related Links:

Values Parenting
Playful Parenting

Family Fun Night Ideas

Plan a Family Night

Image Credit