I am continuously surprised by the similarities in children with fetal alcohol effect. The similarities are sometimes odd issues, that wouldn’t seem to have anything to do with fetal alcohol effect. That is one of the reasons I am so glad to have this opportunity to exchange information with so many adoptive parents of special needs children. It really helps us to accept our children’s behavior by realizing that it is due to brain damage and not their choice. I was recently sharing information with an adoptive mom about my teenage daughter with fetal alcohol effect who likes to dress like a princess everyday. This adoptive mom has an adopted daughter the same age, though our children have never met, and are not related. Imagine our shock, when we realized that our daughters both have princess syndrome. They spend an hour doing their hair and then dress as if they were going to church everyday. My daughter has actually been wearing a tiara in her hair everyday for the past two weeks.

My friend and I realized that we both deal with it in different ways. I allow my daughter to stay dressed in whatever clothes she chooses for several reasons. I am happy that she takes some pride in her appearance. Having children that look clean and well dressed usually makes the outside world think we are good parents. I have a daughter, who is now an adult, who always wore her worst play clothes to appointments and family outings. On days when we were staying home, she would wear her nicest clothes. I found it embarrassing to take her in public dressed like a ragamuffin and frequently asked her to change her clothes. Finally, I threw out all of her play clothes so she only owned nice clothes.

My friend said that she frequently asks her daughter to change, indicating that her outfit is not appropriate for household chores. She said that this causes her daughter to burst into tears and create drama. If the cost of the clothing is a factor, you might want to consider shopping at the Salvation Army, Goodwill, or the clearance racks. I figure, if I didn’t pay any more for the nice outfit then I paid for the blue jeans, then it doesn’t matter what she wears to do chores. If she ruins it, I’ll throw it away.


Photo Credit Julia Fuller 2007