Some people have strong opinions about whether children should sleep with their parents. For young infants there is a safety issue. Obviously, a tiny baby could easily be suffocated by an adult rolling over in bed while asleep. But, how many times has an exhausted mom, desperate for a few minutes of sleep, snuggled her baby in bed in the middle of the night. I have fallen asleep that way many times over the past 24 year of parenting. What parent would turn away a toddler scared awake by a loud crack of thunder at three in the morning? Of course, these are exceptions and the controversy lies more in the normal daily routine.

Allowing a child to sleep in the same bed as the parents can facilitate bonding. Special reading time that includes snuggling every night in bed can build a positive relationship based on love and trust. If the child was used to sleeping with parents, or sharing bed space with another child, then it would certainly be more comfortable and natural for the child to sleep with the new adoptive parents. Having parents close by can make a child feel safe and protected.

If the child is a victim of sexual abuse then a parent trying to snuggle in bed could be terrifying. A crowed bed can be very uncomfortable and make for a poor night’s sleep. Sometimes if one child wants to sleep with mom and dad, all the siblings want to sleep there as well. You don’t want to cause your child to be overly dependent and suffer from separation anxiety. Having a child who wets the bed on a regular basis doesn’t make sharing a bed very pleasant. If a person happens to see the dried urine stains on your mattress, do you explain how they got there?

If you happen to be fostering children then your agency probably has a policy forbidding foster children from sleeping with foster parents. That can get a little tricky when you have a sick toddler or bad storm. We have a rocking chair in our bedroom so that I can get up and rock a frightened, sick, or sad child. We sometimes let them lay in a sleeping bag on the floor beside our bed if they are having a difficult time or I lay on the floor beside their bed.

Photo credit Julia Fuller 2007