Tonight we took seven of our children out to dinner, we also invited our 18-year-old son who still lives at home, but he had his own plans of course. It is certainly important to teach your adopted children how to eat in a public place. However, the first several training opportunities can be a little embarrassing for adoptive parents of older children who are not yet familiar with dining out. Those little social subtleties that children we raised from infancy just seem to know without actually being taught are completely missing in the older adopted children.

Therefore during dinner they may talk too loud, blurt out inappropriate comments about the food, the wait staff, or the other diners. They may eat without their silverware, chew with their mouths open, making gagging or other obnoxious noises, or be unable to sit still. I tend to avoid buffet style restaurants like the plague with newly placed children. Typically, older children who are new to the family tend to eat way too much and usually it is all the wrong foods. Whether it is because they have been deprived of food or have fetal alcohol syndrome, they just are not able to recognize that their bodies are full.

One of our daughter’s ate so many cookies one night at a Christmas cookie open house that she was sick and throwing up for two days. On another occasion, she ate about three pounds of cheese squares and suffered from constipation for a few days. One night at a church gathering, we weren’t monitoring her access to the snack table, later she was vomiting in the garbage cans.

We have a child now that prefers to eat without silverware as if she is a dog. Sometimes it can be funny. Dani is our carbohydrate queen. Whenever she dishes up her own plate at a buffet, it contains macaroni and cheese, potatoes, fries, rolls with butter, and a side of cookies and cake. Now she knows I am watching so she makes sure she adds some corn.

Even though it can initially be a little embarrassing to teach your new children to eat in public, it is important that they learn social etiquette. Eventually, they will pick up the necessary skills to make a through an entire meal, which makes it all worthwhile.



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Photo Credit Julia Fuller 2007