We have survived 14 years of foster parenting because we are stubborn, consistent, and hate failure. We had already adopted five children and did not intend to adopt another teenage daughter. However, CPS (Children Protective Services) knows that I will offer temporary help in a crisis. That is how our 15-year-old foster daughter arrived at our home. She was only supposed to stay a few days until an appropriate placement could be found. We never thought CPS would consider leaving her with us. You see in Michigan foster homes are not supposed to have more than eight children under 18 and she made nine.

I believe that they searched diligently for a placement, but this was her eighth home in two years. She had a significant burn on her arm that was self-inflicted. She seemed to enjoy showing it to each of us, “secretly.” She liked to talk and cuss, non-stop; she smoked, was sexually active, used drugs, liked music with swearing in it, and liked to talk openly about everything. Much of her talk came across as bragging. After 10 days of searching to no avail, the department requested a variance to our license. It was granted by the state and they let us keep her.

She began to share a bedroom with one of our adopted daughters who had come to our family originally as a foster child at the age of seven. Our daughter was a year older chronologically, but years younger in thoughts, actions, and goals. While my daughter had been exposed to a lot of adult content during her first seven years we sheltered her for the next 11.

At the age of 16, our daughter was pretty much a “goody two shoes.” She attended weekly Sunday school, youth group, and ladies’ Bible study. She had already been on a short-term mission’s trip to Guatemala with a local Christian organization, and every summer attended several Christian summer camps. She had her own, newer-model, car, a part-time job, received straight A’s in school, and had several Christian friends. I honestly thought that she was strong enough to influence our foster daughter. I never imagined that it would be the other way around.

I was the naïve one. I should have realized that teenagers usually think that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Our daughter began sneaking out at night to meet a boy and drink with our foster daughter. She got away with everything she did because we never suspected her. We thought she was the perfect teenager, beyond reproach. We thought she would attend college, marry a Christian boy, and live a perfect Christian life, never falling on her nose.

A week before her eighteenth birthday we found out about her deception. Numerous lies, secret plans, stolen goods, and parent bashing. I asked her to leave our home and she has not returned. Would she have gone down this road if we had not kept the teenage foster daughter?
The teenage foster daughter received a high school diploma with much tutoring from me. She made it to 18 without a pregnancy. You could consider our encounter with her very successful.

Our daughter also made it to 18 without a pregnancy. Received a high school diploma and attended a year of community college. She is still employed at the same establishment she has been at since the age of 15 and still drives the same car I helped her finance. Considering that she was adopted at the age of nine, I suppose you could consider her very successful as well.

She has certainly achieved more than either of her birth parents. She is still partying though, and I am sadly disappointed that she missed the dream. But then, I guess that was my dream for her, not her dream.

Photo Credit Julia Fuller 2006