Be realistic about what you can do for the holidays when you are parenting children new to your home and family. Stress can lead to depression and can ruin your holidays and hurt your health. Your children may not be ready for big holiday parties that include many extended family members. You probably have the desire to make the first holidays together perfect for your new sibling group. You may want to make up for everything they have missed. What they have missed, is having a family, now that they have that, they have the best gift of all.

Some traumatized children can’t handle a lot of activity without having meltdown. It will get better, but it might be unrealistic to expect it this year. While many people may be expecting you to participate in parties, shopping, baking, cleaning, and caring for other family members, you may need to cut back this year. You can explain that you really need to focus your time and energy this year on your new children.

An article in the Mayo Clinic newsletter says that there are three main trigger points of holiday stress or depression. One stressor is relationships. Family misunderstandings, schedule conflicts, or even being alone on the holidays can cause stress or depression.

Another cause of stress at holiday time is money. Overspending during the holidays can make budgeting difficult for several months afterwards. As I stated previously, you may be tempted to try to give your new children everything they missed before their adoption. Gifts, travel, entertainment, and food in excess may overwhelm your new sibling group. Let them enjoy being with their new family and try not to over do it. You don’t want to add more stress to the new relationship by having to cut back after the holidays because of your excessive spending.

The third main trigger of stress and depression is the physical demands of the holidays. Exhaustion increases the feelings of stress. Spending your time shopping, wrapping gifts, attending social gatherings, and preparing holiday meals can wipe you out. On top of all that, you have doubled your family size, which increased your workload at home.
Your house may get messier than usual with all the running around and if you are like me, that too adds stress.

The Mayo Clinic article offers 12 tips to prevent holiday stress and depression.
Stop and regroup remember you have your new children and they are the most important thing this holiday.
Acknowledge your feelings it's OK to take time just to cry or express your feelings.
Seek support from other adoptive families, your friends, your church, or your extended family.
Be realistic about what you can do.
Try not to focus on differences this holiday, just accept family members and friends as they are,
Be understanding if others get upset or distressed, but stick to your plan of what you can or can’t do.
Stick to a budget and don’t feel guilty about it.
Have a plan ahead of time so you know what you’ll do if one of your new children has a melt down.
Say no and expect people to understand.
Don't give up your exercise time, or your sleep time, don’t overindulge on food.
Set smaller, more specific goals with a reasonable period.
Forget about perfection remember your children are happiest about having a new family.
Seek professional help if you need it.
Be aware that the holidays will trigger stress and depression and take active steps to manage it.

Photo Credit Julia Fuller 2007