This photo was taken of my children on Easter Sunday. Lynn was home from college for the day and I wanted to make sure we got a photo where everyone was included, so we went to the park for family photos. Caleb really needed to see himself in a family picture to cement in his mind that he belongs here and isn't going anywhere. He was so thrilled when we put our new family picture with him included up on the wall.

As I look at this photo of my children, I'm grateful for children who have opened up their home and their hearts to new siblings via adoption. I've had people ask me if I ask my children's permission before we have adopted, but since I never asked them for permission when I got pregnant with one of their siblings, I didn't see a need to ask permission when we adopted.

Jeff and I have never adopted "casually", if there is such a thing. By that I mean that we don't just say, "hey, there's not much going on this weekend so why don't we start an adoption?" Each of our adoptions has been with much thought and prayer and direction from God. Since I have felt so strongly about when it was time to adopt and who, I always just hoped that my kids would have that same understanding when we told them that we were bringing home a sibling.

Each has reacted in different ways, but over time, even those who were resistant seem to come around once their new sibling is home. I blogged here about how to teach compassion and empathy to your newly adopted children. Thankfully, my older children have had many years of it being modeled in the home and at school, as well as among friends.

When kids ask me what I want for my birthday, Mother's Day, Christmas, etc., my biggest desire is just that they love each other. I want to know that someday when Jeff and I are dead and gone, they will still keep family ties strong and care for each other.

I know a woman who lived in Korea as a child and while her father was stationed there, they ended up adopting a young girl. To this day, more than 30 years later, this woman still says "My adopted Korean sister" whenever she refers to her. Good grief, I know her sister's name; I don't need the added "adopted Korean sister" each time, but for some reason she feels a need to say it. Perhaps she doesn't see her as a real sister the same way she views her biological siblings? I don't know; I just know it bothers me. I wonder if she would be the kind-- when her parents pass on and their will is read--to say that her "adopted Korean sister" isn't really on the same level as the rest of her siblings.

I asked a few of my kids if they ever say "My adopted Chinese brother," or "My adopted Haitian sister" when speaking of their siblings. They were shocked and said "No way!" They said that others have tried to pigeonhole them and say "Which are your real brothers and sisters?" to which they have replied, "they are all real!"

When our homestudy social worker asked Taylor how he felt about bringing home a new brother before Caleb's adoption, he said, "My parents always ask us to pray about it, but they have always already prayed about it and I just know it is right as soon as they tell us."

When I was talking to him a few weeks ago about the little girl in Kenya whom we sponsor via Angel Covers, he said, "Why don't we adopt her?" I was so shocked because our house is already full and there aren't any extra bedrooms to be found, but he was willing to open his heart and home to one more child who lives in less than desirable conditions.

This little girl isn't even available for adoption, but I was touched by Taylor's generous and compassionate spirit. He has his moments where his siblings drive him nuts and he says with exasperation, "I can't believe the kids in this family!" For the most part, however, he loves them and knows that our home is where they belong.

Related links:
The Sibling Connection
The Everything Parent's Guide to Raising Siblings