Just as Grant wrote that adoption is never over, I believe that a child who experienced the trauma of abandonment may carry some of those feelings with her for a very long time if not forever.

At age 10, Ben still panics if he can't find me in a store. Most of the time it is because he has wandered away, but as soon as he realizes he can't find me, instead of calmly calling for me or asking a salesclerk for help, he goes into panic mode and you can literally see the terror on his face and in his voice as he calls for me. I shared in a previous post how frightened he became when I casually mentioned I was leaving in an effort to get him to leave the park on time with me.

I have since discovered that "Goodbye" isn't the only word that can strike fear in the heart of an adopted child.

Just today, Caleb was throwing a big whiny fit and I had pretty much reached my saturation level. When he told me that was going to refuse to do what I asked him and how unfair he felt I was being toward him, I flippantly gave him a reply that I had heard as a child and had even used with my other kids..."Gee, I'm sorry, I guess you can always find someplace else to live." Big mistake...

When I heard it as a child and when I have used it in the past, it was always along the lines of "Would you like me to help you pack?" when a child stated they were going to run away from home. Understand this was only in simple scenarios such as "I don't like tomato soup so I'm going to run away from home." It was never used in seriousness.

Today, however, Caleb's eyes grew wide and then spilled over with tears. Cross me out yet one more time in the running for Mother of the Year. How could I have said something so insensitive to a child who has only been with us for 3 1/2 months? He also doesn't have the fluency in English to understand sarcasm or even light teasing in this way. He truly thought I was serious and that perhaps he should look for another place to live.

This experience did give me, however, the opportunity to reiterate to him that he was not going someplace else even if at some point he wanted to! I told him he was ours to stay and that adoption--thankfully the pros as well as the cons--is forever.

Related Links:
A Mother's Love is for Today and Always

The Power of Words

Image credit