Three years ago I developed and disseminated (via Internet mostly) a questionnaire about parenting birth and adopted children together. I will draw on some of the responses to that as I “find my voice” with this blog. I developed the questionnaire because there are few resources available that address this special kind of family. I would be very interested in hearing from those of you reading this blog if you think there is a need for a book about this topic. What did you wish you knew beforehand? What surprised you after the fact? Is there a need for a book on this topic?


One of the comments on the questionnaire was about the attention generated by having transracially adopted children. In my family’s case, we saw the “China doll syndrome” at work in a huge way. America truly has a fascination with Asian children, and in particular, Asian girls. In our case, our daughter had (and still has) serious attachment issues and usually had a pout on her face.


I can remember countless times sitting in a McDonald’s restaurant or someplace similar with my daughter scowling or carrying on about something. Quite often, people would then scowl at me, and their message was clear… “If you are not going to treat her the same as the kids who match you, why did you adopt her in the first place?” No one would question a family who had three “matching” kids when one of them was scowling or carrying on.


It can also be a problem when you have one “unique” child and that child gets the lion’s share of attention, to the detriment of the “boring” kids who look like everyone else in the country. That can be a difficult concept to explain to toddlers and preschoolers, and even school-aged children. Whenever we eat in a Chinese restaurant, Beth is showered with attention. Sometimes she likes it, sometimes she doesn't. In her case, no sibs are around to be jealous, but the obvious fact that she is adopted still remains.


Just more food for thought…

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