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Many years ago, a young woman called me for information about foster care. She told me that she did not intend to adopt because she already had three young children. However, she realized that there was a need for foster homes and she wanted to help. As I listened, she explained that she really only wanted to foster infants and toddlers. I asked her if she really thought that she could provide a home to a young child for 12 to 18 months and then walk away. I also explained that our agency had many homes on a waiting list who wanted an infant or a toddler to adopt. Our agency really needs homes to take sibling groups, of three or more, or teenagers.
Fortunately, she took my words seriously. She chose not to pursue foster care at that time. However, a couple of years later, when her three sons were a bit older, she revisited the idea. She and her husband had also done some soul searching. They realized that they would become attached and were more open to the idea of adopting.
Their first placement was a sibling group of three, two girls, six and seven, and a three-year-old boy. The children were with them for well over a year and they thought they would adopt them. An aunt came forward at the very end who wanted to raise her sister’s children. That happens sometimes in foster care. It can be heartbreaking for the children and the foster parents because they have become so attached to each other. Fortunately, the aunt still lets them visit sometimes.
A few weeks later, the foster family took an 11-month-old baby boy. Because they already had three boys and really wanted a girl it seemed an odd decision, but my family did the same thing. It is hard to say no to a foster care placement when you are really hoping for a child.
A few months later, the foster family found out that their toddler boy had a three-year-old sister. A year ago, she had been placed with a relative in what was thought to be a permanent home. Now the relative wanted her moved.
I was surprised when I saw how much the little girl looked like her foster mom. Her brother looked more like foster dad. Two years later, they adopted the siblings and became their permanent family.
Photo Credit Julia Fuller 2006
