I try not to think about our nearly five-year-old daughter having to move. The tears and the heartbreak will be real for her and our family. I was reminded about our own impending tragedy today when I read a blog about a Child waiting for a decision by Kelly over at the Foster Adoption blog. Her blog is about a boy who has dwarfism and is available for adoption. The system is trying to figure out who should adopt him. Should it be the foster family where he has lived for the past two years? Should it be a new family, residing in another state, who has never met him, but also has dwarfism?

Obviously, it would be in the child’s best interest not to experience another broken attachment. Just how many attachments can be broken before a child will never attach again? The answer to that question is not simple, nor is it the same number for every child. Moving a child away from a loving family who is willing to adopt and has cared for him for two years is cruel. I know, I continue to grieve a similar loss that happened three years ago.

We will not even be considered as the permanent placement for our foster daughter. Her American Indian representative made that quite clear. The tribe allowed her to stay in our care as a foster child at the request of her birth family. However, if her parental rights are terminated then she must be moved to an American Indian family regardless of the birth family’s desire.

She first came to us at 21 months with her seven-year-old cousin. They had lived together as sisters since her birth. At that time she was not a registered tribal member. She returned home for 17 months but her older cousin did not. She has been back in our care now for nearly a year. During that year we adopted her cousin who is now 10. In addition, during that year her mother applied for tribal for membership and it was granted for herself and her daughter. Apparently, she thought that would gain her some advantage with the foster care system.

Now it is irrelevant that she has a sister-like relationship with her cousin in our home. It is also irrelevant that she has been a part of our family for over three years. It is also irrelevant that most of the birth family members want her to stay here. Staying here would allow her to have ongoing continued contact with many of her birth family members because we have developed relationships with them. That too, is irrelevant.

She has been in foster care twice, which means she has already had two broken attachments. It may not be as bad because she was able to return to the same family, but it is still a loss. She lost a baby brother two years ago to SIDS while she was returned home. She still grieves that loss and we share that with her because he was like a grandson to us.

However, she is American Indian and must be raised by an American Indian family.

Photo Credit Julia Fuller 2007