November 24th, 2012
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heydiddle-graphicsfairy005bRecently I had the opportunity to sit on a panel for an Adoption Knowledge Affiliates conference.  AKA is a little different than many adoption support groups because it supports all three parts of the adoption triad, birth parent, adoptive parent and adopted person.  The audience for our panel was about half adoption professionals, and the rest of the group pretty evenly split among the triad parts.  It was a truly interesting experience.

One member of our panel was a birth mother.  I truly enjoyed meeting her as she reminded me to remind my kids that their birth mothers have not forgotten about them.  Just because they are not hearing from their birth mother, they should not read into that.  I think I do not emphasize enough that their birth mother has never ever forgotten them.

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I was inspired to reach out to all our birth families again; I’ve written and sent a new batch of pictures and reminded them that they do matter to us and the children.  If they need time for themselves, that’s fine, but they should not believe they can’t resume contact because they stopped at one point.  Only our oldest is currently in contact with her birth family, and it is a limited and occasional Facebook exchange.  Since we haven’t heard from the others, we really don’t know what’s going on with them right now.  I wanted to state explicitly that I would welcome hearing from them.

In our panel, someone asked what our youngest call their birth mother.  I stated that they call her “Mama.”

“Well, what do they call you?”

“Mama, Mommy, Mom.”

“Don’t they get confused?”

I laughed.  ”No, they’re not confused.  She’s Santa Clause and I’m the police!”

Seriously, kids do not get confused.  They know who is who. She’s the tummy mommy, the fun mommy and I’m the one who kisses their boo-boos, puts them to bed and feeds them.  They know the difference.  And they are perfectly able to love us both.  They need us both, too, and that’s the important part, right?

If all the parents involved truly want the best for their children, that comes through.  And that’s really all they need to know.

How do you manage absences from your birth families?

(photo credit)

One Response to “Birth Parents”

  1. sjk7 says:

    I really enjoyed your story and can relate to it. I myself am a birth sibling who was almost 6 years old when my mother placed my twin brothers up for adoption when they were born. I still remember to this day 26 years later her going to deliver the twins and her returning home with out them. I always wondered why she never brought them home. Then as I got older I never forgot about them and often wondered what they looked and sounded like. (They were actually 2 of 4 siblings placed for adoption and me being the oldest I can remember those days like yesterday). Then about 3-4 years ago I happened to find a site on the internet similar to this one and posted the info that I had i.e, DOB, city of birth, birth parents and name at birth. not even 2 days later I had several replys from investigators sending me info on them.. I for once had something to go on. I looked them up on social media sites as well and finally after all these years of wondering and searching to no avail, I seen their faces. The emotions were almost over whelming, I sat at my computer desk sobbing and laughing at the same time.. It was them! I just had to find a way to to get to them, but first I wanted to contact the parents to see if they were aware of being adopted. I had recieved in one of the e-mails a home phone number of their parents and decided, well 1 month passed before I got the nerve to call..I made the call to a very disturbed and upset mother, she was devasted I had any information on them and was told they knew of being adopted and they were fine bc actually I was told before that they might not have even survived bc of health problems. We talked very briefly and she said she was to get back to me at a later date after discussing it w her husband and throwing her mother a suprise bday party and didnt want to ruin all she had planned(she really did say that to me). Never heard anything back not even a e-mail saying it wasnt a wise idea for the reunion, I left it at that. But just to remember I know I never once have forgotten about them and im sure my mother hasnt either. Thank you for sharing and reminding those that we dont forget.

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