On the birthparent/first parent adoption blog, Jan asked "What would your t-shirt say about adoption?" Great food for thought, as some that I have thought were cute or inspiring as an adoptive parent, might not be considered either by other members of the adoption triad.

Here's a disgusting one that Mary on the Ethiopian adoption blog just pointed out.

A few years ago during November's National Adoption month, I bought some adoption buttons to wear. One had a slogan that said "Ask me about international adoption". I never wore that particular one because to me it put adoption on the same level as "Ask me about Amway" or "Ask me why my skin looks so good!" compliments of Mary Kay cosmetics. Now I don't think either company has those buttons, nor am I trying to put down either company, but I wasn't comfortable with adoption being compared to a product being peddled.

One that I always loved and wore religiously during the month of November, however, said "Angels with one wing can fly in your embrace." To me it celebrated adoption the way I thought it should, and especially emphasized special needs adoptions. It doesn't speak of the healthy newborn infant being placed for adoption, but rather the child that many parents may not want...the child who has a physical disability or even an emotional disability that may scare away many prospective parents. Since all 3 of my adopted children came to me at an older age, you could say they were on the "special needs" track even if some of them didn't have a diagnosed disability.

As my kids get older, however, I wonder now after reading Jan's post if my button isn't actually a hit to their self-esteem. I thought it was sending a positive message that children who might appear to be hurt--with a "broken wing" either physically or emotionally-- can flourish in your family. I still fully believe that to be true, and know that there are children out there who desperately need a family but wait because someone is afraid to try with them perhaps only because they are older...which can mean anything from a toddler to a teen.

How will my 6 year old feel, however, if someday when she is 10, 12, 16 or older, she sees me wearing that button? Do I continue to advocate for adoption at the expense of my child's self-esteem? Will she view herself as an angel with only one wing? Will she think that I had a viewpoint of myself as a rescuer sent to save the broken angel?

My newest son will be 12 in a few months. As his English improves and he starts reading English with better comprehension, will he be offended by this button? Maybe it's time to switch to "Adoption changes lives" as one reader of Jan's blog suggested. I like it. Whether for good or bad, the statement rings truth. I like one of Mary's comments on her blog about the Urban Outfitters shirt even better. She states, "Adopting is about people. Adopting is about family." I think that would work on a shirt.

Better yet, maybe it's best to wear no button or adoption related t-shirt at all. Isn't my multiracial family already a walking advertisement for adoption? Wouldn't it be better to just quietly show by our words and our actions that yes indeed, adoption changes lives?

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