In my previous post, I discussed being afraid of the dark. Some adoptive parents who have never experienced this fear pooh-pooh the idea when their children mention it.

I've often read of parents on adoption groups talking about making their new child "cry it out" when night time rolled around because they don't want their child to be dependent on them at night time. One mother stated she let her newly arrived 6 year old child sit on the top stair and scream for two hours because she was not going to let her come downstairs to be with her parents.

Just as I posted in wearing your baby, however, your child cries because she wants to be near you. She may have very real fears that need comfort and understanding, and is not trying to manipulate you, but rather trying to feel safe in an environment (night time) that has not felt safe in the past.

3 tips that parents have successfully used to help their child overcome their nighttime fears include:

• 
  having siblings share a room


• leaving a hall light or night light on



• offering your child a security object

Perhaps your child slept in a room in an orphanage with 30 other children, or in a foster home with many other siblings and is afraid to sleep alone. You may think you are providing them a great gift by giving them their own room, but it is often far more comforting to them to share a room with a sibling. However, one caveat... if they have experienced abuse, do not put them in a room with a younger sibling where the younger sibling might become victimized.

Another mother I know said that she would simply not allow her child to have the hall light on, because she herself could not sleep unless the house was pitch black. Wouldn't it be much easier for the mother to completely shut her door and even put a towel at the bottom if necessary, rather than further traumatize a child who was already afraid?

Take your child to the store with you and let him pick out his own night light, and celebrate plugging it in together. Should you have the problem we have in our home-- a child that would use even a very small wattage bulb as something to attempt to start a fire, the green LED type nightlights are much safer as they remain cool to the touch.

Next, offering your child a "lovey" such as a soft stuffed animal or a soft fleece blanket can give your child a sense of security. You can even sleep with it the first night so it takes on your scent before you give it to your child. Spraying it with a dab of cologne that you normally wear can also be comforting to your child. You can tell your child that the teddy bear or moose or whatever it may be will help keep them safe during the night. Micheline loves her moose so much he even traveled thousands of miles with us to China to keep her feeling safe.
tomorrow:
Music, monster sprays and the family bed

related links:
Getting your baby to sleep

Dealing with Anxiety and Fears



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