On the Home Front

Our family is Catholic which means at this time of year (season of Lent), we each choose something to "sacrifice."  Little children do not really understand the purpose or goal of this tradition, so we make a choice for them.  This year we decided that the whole family would seek to "bear wrongs patiently." This is hard for me.  It's really hard for young children.  When little ones believed they have been "wronged," they want to shout it from the rooftops. They want retribution. They want justice. I did not have any grand expectations on how this was going to work out. I understand well the process of sacrifice; you give something up, you take it back, you recommit, you slip up, you recommit… [more]

Because our 3 youngest share their birthmother, they all do look a little alike.  This is a new situation for us as our older two look nothing alike.  Although Pepper is 21 months older than Sunshine, when they were youngsters, they were very close to the same size.  People constantly asked us if they were twins. We thought this was pretty funny since we cannot imagine a world in which they could be twins.  They were, however, very close and I think that people picked up on that "sister" vibe between them. Occasionally people did ask, "Are they real sisters?," to which we replied "Yes," even though we knew they meant "biological sisters."  We did not feel their birth stories were anyone's… [more]

Before I became a parent, I was very interested in cribs, baby bathtubs, tiny clothes and shoes.  I agonized over picking the right pediatrician.  I worried that my child would be sick and I wouldn't notice.  (That actually brings a chuckle now since every mother knows that you more often think they are sick when they are fine than the reverse.) I focused a lot on names (probably appropriate) and cloth vs disposable diapers (less important than it seems at first).  We philosophized about parenting methods but had to use almost none of them on our perfect-at-the-time oldest child.  Could I handle sleep deprivation? Would my husband and I still find time together?  (The answer is "Not at first, but it… [more]

When our little ones arrived, they immediately got nick-names.  This, mainly, was to protect their identities; by referring to them by their nick-names in conversations amongst ourselves, someone overhearing could not determine whom we were speaking about.  We live in a city but it's a "small world," and the kids have a lot of extended family nearby. TInker was the exception.  She got her nickname because she earned it. She was an adorable and hefty 21 month old; as a consequence, walking was a lot of trouble so she spent most of the day scooting around on her bottom and messing with anything she could reach.  She had little interest in toys, but the outlet covers, door stops, and and bits… [more]

It was our third Christmas with the Littles.  Where has the time gone?  The first year, we had to put a fence around the Christmas tree to keep everyone safe.  Last year, they were still a little confused about the whole process.  This year, they had it all figured out. 3 days before Christmas, The Blitz (3) observed both The Captain (5) and Tinker (4) sitting in time out.  He came into the kitchen and said, "I be pretty good, right Mom?  Santa gonna leave me presents and gifts?" I assured him they would all get presents and gifts; Santa just wants to know you try to make wise choices. I noticed in the weeks before Christmas, I was feeling a bit wistful… [more]

I didn't realize that at some point over the past two years I have moved from cheerful optimism in the face of criticism to mumbled apologizing.  It wasn't an overnight change; it was a subtle shift taking place one interaction at a time. When we took on three "little kids" at once, we knew we would have both challenges and criticism.  We suspected it would be hard work at times.  We ventured that there would be social repercussions.  Undaunted, we forged ahead. There  is a bit of a "pack" effect when you have three children very close in age.  So if one child, for instance, decides to break away and sprint up the aisle after church, the other two exuberantly join… [more]

Recently I had the opportunity to sit on a panel for an Adoption Knowledge Affiliates conference.  AKA is a little different than many adoption support groups because it supports all three parts of the adoption triad, birth parent, adoptive parent and adopted person.  The audience for our panel was about half adoption professionals, and the rest of the group pretty evenly split among the triad parts.  It was a truly interesting experience. One member of our panel was a birth mother.  I truly enjoyed meeting her as she reminded me to remind my kids that their birth mothers have not forgotten about them.  Just because they are not hearing from their birth mother, they should not read into that.  I think I do… [more]

In this column, I typically write about our sibling group of three youngsters.  Today, however, I'm going to speak a little about Pepper, our oldest. When Pepper was born,  her birthmother made an adoption plan for her as she could not parent her due to medical issues.  At that time, her mother was raising 5 kids; the 4 oldest were boys and the youngest, a girl, was 6.  The kids all knew about Pepper's birth and knew and understood the reasons she was adopted by our family.  Nonetheless, the children never met as their mother was really struggling with her grief. Through the years we sent letters, cards and pictures which were posted in the family home and shared with the maternal grandparents.  In… [more]

Oh yes, we call him the Blitz.  He uses his heat seeking powers to finding the only clean room in the house, run straight to it, and leave it in a disheveled heap in only moments.  And yet, we adore him. He has a terrible temper and doesn't seem to know he's one of 5 children; at 3 years old, he alone is the center of the universe.  Yet this bundle of tantrumming trial is also the biggest love-bug in the place.  Several times a day he says, "Mommy, I love you."  A snack or a drink or a regular meal is met with "Thank you" in a tone that implies something completely unearned and unexpected has been gifted him.  Any time… [more]

Yesterday, Tinker said, "Mom, I have something to tell you.  The closet door was open yest-night and there was a big scary monster in there." "Oh, Tink," said I, sagely, "Monsters aren't real.  You are okay." "Oh this was for real, Mommy, I promise!" With three young kids, we here a lot about monsters and scary stuff.  The Blitz is going through the three-year-old terrified-of-everything-but-trying-to-be-brave phase.  He wanted a Halloween shirt since I'd bought a super-cute one for Tinkerbell.  So I found him a long-sleeved shirt (optimistically -- it's still hot as spit here) that had skulls on it.  They are tasteful, it just looks like a print shirt until you study it a bit.  So I put it on him and he immediately took… [more]