Yet another one of my babies is turning 18. Today is Shea’s birthday, “Happy birthday, Shea!” So far, all of our children have moved out during the month of their eighteenth birthday. Shea has been talking about moving out for a few months. I suppose I should be happy that we have managed to equip our children for independent living by the time they turn 18, but I’m not. I am not ready for him to go, and neither are his little brothers.

Oh sure, he has his moments. Like when he decides to beat one of his brothers to a pulp. When I open up his bedroom door and the floor is... more

Have you ever felt pressured to celebrate a holiday? What happens when you adopt older children who have already celebrated holidays? Obviously, they are already aware that other families celebrate on that day. When the holiday is nearing, the children new to your family may begin to get excited in anticipation. That is when you burst their bubble and tell them that, “Our family doesn’t celebrate that holiday.” Then you try to explain why your family doesn’t celebrate that holiday. Will your newly adopted children be angry, or feel resentment towards you?

If... more

Do you want to get rid of some old junk, but you don’t want the hassle of putting together a garage sale? Do you want to teach your adopted children entrepreneurship, have fun in the process, do some bonding, and make money? Some of the older adopted children arrive at your home with a fatalistic attitude about life. One of our daughters frequently admitted that if she tried something, it would turn out bad, so why try. Therefore, you need to do something easy to try to change that attitude and create some enthusiasm through success.

It started this summer when for the first time in 10 years we decided to have a garage sale. That in itself was quite a bonding experience between the... more

When our first sibling group came to live with us, 11 years ago, we wondered how much influence we could really have, on who a teenager would become as an adult. After all, the majority of teenagers’ childhood is over. Those precious, formative years that we all know are so important are long gone. The children’s first parents, who had agendas much different from ours, influenced those formative years.

Two years after being placed in our home, the sisters became available for adoption. They were already part of our family by then so it seemed natural to adopt them. However,... more

Whether you ride bikes with your children as a family activity, or they ride together without you, it is great fun and exercise. I remember riding all over the neighborhood with my siblings when I was growing up. Now, my children enjoy doing the same thing. We live out in the country so the nearest store or gas station is about five miles away. Once the children reach the age of 10, I will let them ride their bikes that far if they wear their helmets and take along a sibling.

It seems to be a great bonding experience for them and a way for them to get to know their... more

If you have adopted an older sibling group, you may need to encourage each child to seek their own friends and hobbies. That might not be as easy as might expect it to be. If the siblings had to depend on each other in their previous home for comfort, food, and protection it may be difficult for you to establish yourself as the parent. The children will naturally try to continue their established roles in your home. The older children, who provided the parenting roles, may not appreciate having their roles usurped.

It can also be difficult to get the younger children... more

Taking on a sibling group can be quite stressful. While you may feel that it is important for the children to have you at home to bond with, it is just as important for you to be in the right frame of mind. Therefore, you need to make time for yourself and for your significant other, if you have one, after you have adopted a sibling group. You may not realize the amount of stress you are carrying around after doubling the size of your family until you take a break.

Sometimes, when I’m dealing with a child related crisis at home, I feel like I must... more

Our adult daughter called Sunday morning, “What are you having for lunch?” she asked. The same thing we always have of course. I think I may have been cooking the exact same Sunday morning brunch after church for the past 15 years. I guess that makes it a family tradition. “Do you mind if we join you?” she asked, referring to herself and her new husband.

Children who have suffered trauma seem to appreciate routine and consistency. Even when they grow up, they like to think that everything is the same as it always was at home.

Of course, we didn’t... more

Today is Ty’s birthday and he is quite proud to be eight years old. He has been counting down the days for the past two months. Mom, “Now how many more days do I have until my birthday?” Each day he thought of a new gift that he absolutely could not live without. He even convinced his brothers and sisters that they should give him gifts, as well. Of course, convincing them wasn’t too difficult, because he is everyone’s favorite little brother.

I was a little surprised when two of his older brothers each purchased him a $30 gift. Considering their limited... more

Researchers have recently proven that the body’s stress response system can be favorably altered by family intervention during the preschool years. Preschoolers involved in this recent study were considered high risk for antisocial behavior because they had an older delinquent sibling. These preschoolers displayed an atypical stress response during testing. Older youth with conduct disorders usually also have this atypical response to stress.

The cortisol levels in the preschoolers' saliva did not show a normal spike in anticipation of a stressful situation... more