A couple of weeks ago we had an unplanned and unexpected sibling visit with two of my daughter’s older sisters. I mentioned in a previous blog how surprised and impressed I was with one older sister’s improved behavior. I asked her many questions as my 14-year-old daughter watched with mouth agape. However, that is not the only action we took. My daughter has always enjoyed riding our horses. However, she has not been allowed alone with the horses since the bad haircut incident. After the... more

My children’s birth aunt will be getting married next month. According to my children’s maternal birth grandmother, she’ll be sending us pictures and a copy of the invitation for the kids. We’ve seen pictures of her intended via e-mail and the children are very excited. The children and I are working on a joint gift for her that we hope she and her new husband will enjoy!

It’s been wonderful to continue to have our open adoption with the children’s birth family. My two youngest share the same mom, and have an older brother in the care of this grandmother.... more

An older adopted child can really put a parent through the wringer. We parents need to learn to keep our sense of humor throughout these trials or we would definitely go nuts. While I understand the sensitivity and privacy of the subject, it can be helpful for adults parenting older adopted children to share stories. It is helpful because it can prepare us for inevitable. Yes, when our own adopted daughter reaches this developmental milestone. If we are not prepared, we may not handle this delicate situation as well as we could. Not only that, but laughter is good for the soul... more

As I mentioned in a blog yesterday, a reader asked me for some advice on encouraging her soon to be adopted daughter, to dress appropriately. Her question really had three parts so I decided it might be best to split them up. Yesterday, I covered adopted daughters wearing dirty clothes again. The second part of the reader’s question was about her daughter wearing clothes too tight. I tried to deal with this by appealing to logic for my first few years of foster and adoptive parenting. All that led to was arguing and one of us getting angry. I decided to make this a non-issue at... more

Recently I received a question from a reader about her soon to be adopted daughter’s inappropriate clothing choices. If you have parented older children from the foster care system or adopted from an orphanage then you have probably dealt with these issues as well. It may help you, to help your child, if you understand where these habits originated. We were a little surprised and disgusted when we realized what was happening at our house. Our first sibling group, a teenager, and her younger sister helped to train us when we were new foster and adoptive parents. The teenager would... more

On the way to monthly individual appointments with the psychiatrist, I always tell my adopted daughters to be honest with the doctor. Each month I remind them that the doctor cannot help them if they are not honest with him. Neither the doctor nor mom can know exactly what is going on in their brains. The only way to find out if a medication can help them is to tell the doctor what they are thinking or feeling. Mom can only give the doctor her observations, which probably isn’t an accurate assessment of her daughters’ thinking. When children have suffered trauma as my adopted... more

I am continuously surprised by the similarities in children with fetal alcohol effect. The similarities are sometimes odd issues, that wouldn’t seem to have anything to do with fetal alcohol effect. That is one of the reasons I am so glad to have this opportunity to exchange information with so many adoptive parents of special needs children. It really helps us to accept our children’s behavior by realizing that it is due to brain damage and not their choice. I was recently sharing information with an adoptive mom about my teenage daughter with fetal alcohol effect who likes... more

A team at Durham University developed a new tool to test more than 3,000 students of various ages. They found that a poor working memory seriously impairs a student’s ability to learn and about 300 of those students tested suffered from a poor working memory. We know that children with fetal alcohol effect have poor working memories. The study indicates that poor working memory may also be genetic. Unfortunately, this question isn't addressed on most birthmother... more

If you have adopted a large sibling group, or several children close in age, playing tooth fairy can get expensive. Sometimes we adoptive parents go a little overboard on tooth fairy payments because we are so excited to have the opportunity. At our house, the first lost baby tooth placed under a pillow has been known to rake in a five-dollar bill from the tooth fairy. Our dental hygienist, at a recent appointment, told me that she had just paid out five dollars to her adopted daughter for the first baby tooth lost as well. A recent poll... more

As a parent, I often wonder if I should let my younger children ride with their older teenage siblings. This is sometimes difficult to prevent because we currently have four teenagers in our home. Teenagers always want to be on the go, they are frequently going to the same location, and it seems silly to drive two vehicles to the same location. Our 15-year-old son just finished driver’s training last week so this article on teen death in auto crashes caught my eye. Especially since... more