You know your adopted baby is beginning to grow up when she begins copying her older siblings. Ami will be turning two years old in July and she idolizes most of her older siblings. Frequently, she is seen trying to be just like one of them. Whether, she is walking with her hands behind her back, echoing their exact words, or just following them around. When she sees them playing, she always wants to join in, and sometimes they let her. She is getting quite adept at assembling legos. However, today she cried for quite a while when she wasn't allowed to play Monopoly with... more

I've blogged ad nauseum about our youngest. His older sister was crazy about us from the first time she talked to us on the phone, but my youngest was not so sure. When we went to meet the kids, though he had fun, he had a “little pout” to his lip, according to his older sister, and my husband!

He was thoroughly attached to both of his foster parents, and still enjoys talking to them. He's a little conundrum, because he'll make friends quickly. So quickly, in fact, I... more

My youngest son has been sick and throwing up. In deconstructing our day, my husband asked me if I found a difference between cleaning up after our adopted siblings than I did our biological son. My answer was that I don’t like cleaning up after any of them!

But, the point I think he was trying to raise had to do with bonding with your adopted children. When we first went back to visit the kids, my youngest was having sinus issues that caused mucous to build up, thus he threw up then, too (he’s not a prolific barfer, it just so happens that this is what... more

I have been babysitting my grandchildren while their parents work during the day for the last few weeks. They are currently one and two years old. They are the children of my oldest daughter, now 25. She came to us as a 13 year old with her younger sibling and joined our forever family by the miracle of adoption at 15. My youngest daughter by the miracle of adoption is one year old and falls right in between the ages of my two granddaughters. The three little girls have always loved each other, but lately they have been becoming best friends.

In the morning when they first... more

A grandmother wants to parent her nine-year-old granddaughter, but at the same time, wants her granddaughter to have a mother and father. The grandmother worries about being too old to parent the child herself. Perhaps she will not live long enough to see her granddaughter graduate and then another family would have to be found anyway. In the end, grandmother chooses to let another family adopt her granddaughter with hopes of continuing her relationship as the grandmother. The adoptive family chooses to cut off contact with the grandmother after the adoption. The grandmother... more

In my two previous blogs, I discussed the apparent uselessness of discipline in correcting behavior when the child has fetal alcohol effect. I drew this conclusion after 25 years of parenting, with 14 of those years parenting special needs children through the foster care system. The children with fetal alcohol effect who received consistent discipline over the years as well as moral training grew into resentful, bitter adults without modified behavior. Based on this evidence I now believe that it is preferable to raise these children in a happy, loving home and let life offer... more

Yesterday, I blogged about the ability of a child with fetal alcohol effect to control sneaking, lying, or stealing. I drew the conclusion that controlling sneaking, lying, or stealing is outside the ability of a child with fetal alcohol effect. This conclusion was based on the similar behaviors of children with fetal alcohol effect regardless of race, gender, adoptive status, or geographic location. Now we must consider whether discipline for inappropriate behavior is appropriate for children who have no control over their behavior. Would it be more appropriate to ignore... more

Many years ago, a young woman called me for information about foster care. She told me that she did not intend to adopt because she already had three young children. However, she realized that there was a need for foster homes and she wanted to help. As I listened, she explained that she really only wanted to foster infants and toddlers. I asked her if she really thought that she could provide a home to a young child for 12 to 18 months and then walk away. I also explained that our agency had many homes on a waiting list who wanted an infant or a toddler to adopt. Our agency really... more

Some people have strong opinions about whether children should sleep with their parents. For young infants there is a safety issue. Obviously, a tiny baby could easily be suffocated by an adult rolling over in bed while asleep. But, how many times has an exhausted mom, desperate for a few minutes of sleep, snuggled her baby in bed in the middle of the night. I have fallen asleep that way many times over the past 24 year of parenting. What parent would turn away a toddler scared awake by a loud crack of thunder at three in the morning? Of course, these are exceptions and... more

When you are in the process of adopting an older sibling group, you probably have daydreams of shared moments. While shopping you may think, “this will be so fun with the children.” While passing a local attraction you may think, “I can’t wait to take the children there; I know they will love it.” Your daydreams may turn into reality if your adopted children are able to form positive attachments with you. Unfortunately, bonding with older adopted children is a two-way street. If your new children have suffered so much trauma before joining your family that they can’t... more