Stubbornness must be a hereditary trait because I see my adopted daughters setting their jaw exactly like their birthparents and grandparents. One of the advantages of an open adoption is realizing your daughters’ come by some traits quite honestly. Hopefully, that helps us parents not to take it personally. I thought my daughter, who is now an adult, was stubborn growing up until I met my recently adopted 10-year-old daughter. She continues to give grief over schoolwork. Last year I thought she was purposely not doing schoolwork because she wanted to be homeschooled... more

Some people have strong opinions about whether children should sleep with their parents. For young infants there is a safety issue. Obviously, a tiny baby could easily be suffocated by an adult rolling over in bed while asleep. But, how many times has an exhausted mom, desperate for a few minutes of sleep, snuggled her baby in bed in the middle of the night. I have fallen asleep that way many times over the past 24 year of parenting. What parent would turn away a toddler scared awake by a loud crack of thunder at three in the morning? Of course, these are exceptions and... more

When you are in the process of adopting an older sibling group, you probably have daydreams of shared moments. While shopping you may think, “this will be so fun with the children.” While passing a local attraction you may think, “I can’t wait to take the children there; I know they will love it.” Your daydreams may turn into reality if your adopted children are able to form positive attachments with you. Unfortunately, bonding with older adopted children is a two-way street. If your new children have suffered so much trauma before joining your family that they can’t... more

You know, I don’t remember sticking my nose into my parent’s business when I was a young girl. I think it was more like, the less I know about their business, the less they will know about mine. However, it seems like every girl over six, who has lived in our home as adopted or foster daughters, over the past 14 years, has made it her business to know my business. Two of my daughters, who are the oldest girls currently living at home, are no exception. At 14 and 10, they could make Sherlock Holmes seem like an amateur. I hate to be gender specific here, but none of the boys we... more

All of Nancy’s talk about the healing properties of her rocking chair over at the RAD blog convinced me that I needed a better, bigger, new rocking chair. That is the only item I had on my Christmas list. Oh sure, I have a rocking chair. It is solid wood and quite adequate for rocking babies or toddlers. It was getting a little uncomfortable for rocking our four year old who weighs 45 pounds though. Super Dad took me to the furniture store several days before Christmas to look at rocking chairs after I told him why I needed... more

I am getting ready to go out of town for four days and I have very mixed feelings. While I will enjoy the break away from the daily routine, I worry how my trip will affect some of my children. Ben has already been begging to go with me even though I told him that it isn't possible. He has a very difficult time separating from me.

Micheline, on the other hand, puts up a wall and pretends not to care if I leave. To be honest, that kind of behavior is much harder to deal with than the child who clings because she does indeed care very... more

Our attachment therapist is big on the idea of object permanence and constancy for children who have attachment issues. Object permanence generally develops by 18 months of age in a neurotypical child, but in a child who has experienced trauma or multiple breaks in attachment, it may not have developed. Your adopted child may be much older and still not truly believe that you will return when you say you will.

A young child who has not developed an identity separate from his parent may also feel that when you are out of sensory... more

I have a confession to make...not only do I cut my sons' hair and my husband's, I cut my own on occasion. Yes - gasp! - even the back. Partly due to frugality and partly due to time restraints I often do things to save time and money that others might not even consider.

There are plenty of areas where I prefer the "do-it-yourself" type method. Why pay someone else to do what you can do yourself? It's the reason our adoption from Haiti was done independently rather than through an agency.

Does that mean that if... more

After a few years of two steps forward, one step back with some of our kids, we finally found an amazing attachment therapist. I tried a psychologist and social worker or two in the past whose eyes kind of glazed over and who said, "huh?" when I questioned them on their experience with adoption and attachment.

Another who advertised herself as being well-versed in adoption issues had a website where she was wearing face paint in stripes across her cheeks, and held a drum on her lap. Her website said she led women's drumming groups through self-discovery and awareness weekends, and that she went into the mountains every other weekend to "find herself" in her drumming circles. I figured... more

My blood pressure in Wal-Mart today must have been about 200/100. It’s normally 110/70. Why the increase? I stood in line behind a woman who was determined not to pick up her screaming child from her cart. He wasn’t more than 12 or 13 months old and yet when it was time to go and she finished paying, he paused for a second in his screaming as if he thought, ‘Yes, she will finally pick me up.” Instead, as my mouth gaped open, she put him on the floor and made him awkwardly toddle out of the store holding her hand all... more