A couple of weeks ago we had an unplanned and unexpected sibling visit with two of my daughter’s older sisters. I mentioned in a previous blog how surprised and impressed I was with one older sister’s improved behavior. I asked her many questions as my 14-year-old daughter watched with mouth agape. However, that is not the only action we took. My daughter has always enjoyed riding our horses. However, she has not been allowed alone with the horses since the bad haircut incident. After the... more

What celebrations are you planning with your adopted children for the Memorial weekend? If you recently adopted a sibling group then they may not know what to expect, if anything on this holiday. You are creating their holiday memories and perhaps their future traditions with their future families by your choices. In areas where we have winter snow, Memorial weekend traditionally marks the opening of beaches and theme parks. We have created a family Memorial weekend tradition of going to Cedar Point Amusement Park in Sandusky, Ohio every year. Super Dad loves... more

My children’s birth aunt will be getting married next month. According to my children’s maternal birth grandmother, she’ll be sending us pictures and a copy of the invitation for the kids. We’ve seen pictures of her intended via e-mail and the children are very excited. The children and I are working on a joint gift for her that we hope she and her new husband will enjoy!

It’s been wonderful to continue to have our open adoption with the children’s birth family. My two youngest share the same mom, and have an older brother in the care of this grandmother.... more

An older adopted child can really put a parent through the wringer. We parents need to learn to keep our sense of humor throughout these trials or we would definitely go nuts. While I understand the sensitivity and privacy of the subject, it can be helpful for adults parenting older adopted children to share stories. It is helpful because it can prepare us for inevitable. Yes, when our own adopted daughter reaches this developmental milestone. If we are not prepared, we may not handle this delicate situation as well as we could. Not only that, but laughter is good for the soul... more

As I mentioned in a blog yesterday, a reader asked me for some advice on encouraging her soon to be adopted daughter, to dress appropriately. Her question really had three parts so I decided it might be best to split them up. Yesterday, I covered adopted daughters wearing dirty clothes again. The second part of the reader’s question was about her daughter wearing clothes too tight. I tried to deal with this by appealing to logic for my first few years of foster and adoptive parenting. All that led to was arguing and one of us getting angry. I decided to make this a non-issue at... more

Recently I received a question from a reader about her soon to be adopted daughter’s inappropriate clothing choices. If you have parented older children from the foster care system or adopted from an orphanage then you have probably dealt with these issues as well. It may help you, to help your child, if you understand where these habits originated. We were a little surprised and disgusted when we realized what was happening at our house. Our first sibling group, a teenager, and her younger sister helped to train us when we were new foster and adoptive parents. The teenager would... more

When Dani came to our home as a foster child over three years ago, she noticed that one of the older children had braces. Eventually, he had his taken off revealing a perfectly aligned smile. A few months later, the next child had his braces put on his teeth. Two years later, his braces came off revealing his beautiful and perfect smile. The whole time, Dani dreamed of having braces on her teeth so she could have a smile like theirs. At one point, she nearly returned to her birth family, which would have made her dream of braces impossible because of the cost. In... more

Spring on the farm is so exciting for everyone but especially for newly adopted children not used to country living. Nothing is cuter than new babies frolicking in the hay field. They run, jump in the air, butt heads, and tease their mothers. It always amazes us how within an hour of being born the babies stand up; know where to find their mothers’ udders, and how to suckle. If a baby won’t eat initially, we have quart-size baby bottles with four-inch nipples that we can use to feed them. Whenever we have had a newly placed foster or adopted child, they have really enjoyed... more

On the way to monthly individual appointments with the psychiatrist, I always tell my adopted daughters to be honest with the doctor. Each month I remind them that the doctor cannot help them if they are not honest with him. Neither the doctor nor mom can know exactly what is going on in their brains. The only way to find out if a medication can help them is to tell the doctor what they are thinking or feeling. Mom can only give the doctor her observations, which probably isn’t an accurate assessment of her daughters’ thinking. When children have suffered trauma as my adopted... more

I am continuously surprised by the similarities in children with fetal alcohol effect. The similarities are sometimes odd issues, that wouldn’t seem to have anything to do with fetal alcohol effect. That is one of the reasons I am so glad to have this opportunity to exchange information with so many adoptive parents of special needs children. It really helps us to accept our children’s behavior by realizing that it is due to brain damage and not their choice. I was recently sharing information with an adoptive mom about my teenage daughter with fetal alcohol effect who likes... more