For the last year, our four-year-old has been trying to understand her baby brother’s death. It has actually been two years, this week, since his unexpected death. Unfortunately, her parents were unable to seek counseling during that first traumatic year. Their own grief and guilt prevented them from reaching out to others, for themselves, or for their daughter. Ali was two then, almost three. Her immature questions were met with tears of grief and pain.

I know, because I was there. They called me in the middle of the night and I rushed to hold them in... more

If you have adopted children, who were older than newborns at the time of the adoption, then your children have been seriously hurt by the actions or words of another. Why not make a point this holiday season to talk to your adopted children about forgiveness. Certainly, the wounds left behind by abuse, neglect, or abandonment can leave lasting feelings of anger, bitterness, and the desire to retaliate someday. Many times adopted children repress or deny their feelings of bitterness or anger. Perhaps discussing how you have been hurt, how it made you feel, and how you felt... more

It has been over three years since they left our home, two children, whom we love very much. They were part of our family for 18 months. We made the mistake of taking “ownership” of them after the rights of their parents were terminated by the state. At the time of the TPR, no other families were interested in adopting them that we knew of, except us. They had come to live with us at two months of age and 2 years of age.

There was another family, living three hours away in another state that had adopted the three older siblings. They didn’t know that the TPR... more

Much has been said about the pain that many adopted children have on Mother's Day. Theresa, on the adoptive parenting blog has a great example here of how some children react to the day. Some faced abuse in their former homes or institutions, hence Mother's Day doesn't exactly conjure up images of peaceful home and hearth in their minds.

Today, however, I would like to focus on the perspective of an adoptive Mother and how I feel about the pain... more

We took family photos over Easter and I thought it would help my youngest kids feel more grounded to see us all together. For Micheline, however, the new photos raised questions in her mind.

I've been struggling to blog this week due to overwhelming family responsibilities, but none of them hit me like the brick my daughter tossed my way tonight. She's 6...emotionally much younger sometimes, but for the most part right on target as a 6 year old except for the fact that she's had more pain and... more

January 13,2007

When we left Wuhan for the first time with Ben back in October 2000, the tears started flowing and wouldn't stop as we went through security at the airport. All I could think of was that I was taking my son from everything he had ever known.

Seeing how he had no language opportunities in the orphanage being deaf, and obviously had no family, I knew he had a brighter future ahead, but a part of me still felt as if I was wrongfully taking him... more

part 1

part 2

When we arrived home, Caleb thought he should immediately be allowed to play computer games. I tried to talk to him about what he was feeling, but he clearly wanted no part of it. I knew he was dealing with some pretty strong emotions bubbling to the surface, so I didn't insist on schoolwork, but did tell him that he needed to play an educational game on the computer rather than a Ninja type game that he loves on a Chinese website. That too merited some pouting and whining, so I asked him to come over to... more

part 1

Why was I so blind that I didn't even think about the possibility that a dance company which focuses on Chinese dance might bring up issues in my son?

Yesterday, when I showed him their webpage and asked him if he wanted to go, he told me "no." I just assumed he was being obstinate at the time and told him that I thought he would enjoy it.

This morning when we got to the student matinee, he was excited at first, but as the first dance number turned into the second I noticed him blinking back tears. How could music with melodies sounding hauntingly familiar not remind him of what once... more

I haven't written for a few days because I have been nursing a tooth that needed a root canal. For me, going to the endodontist rates right up there with chewing cut glass, so I kept secretly hoping the pain of the toothache would instead go away. Finally when I was popping ibuprofen over the weekend like candy, I decided that getting it over with was far better than continuing to nurse the pain of an aching tooth, and headed in to the endodontist's office today on an emergency basis.

Many adopted children have experienced... more

I love Christmas eve. I mean, I really love Christmas eve, far more than Christmas day. It's the anticipation of the beautifully wrapped gifts, the excitement the young ones have of knowing Santa is coming, having a nice Christmas eve dinner surrounded by family, reading the Christmas story out of Luke and enjoying the lights on the tree and a crackling fire in the fireplace. Christmas day to me has always felt rather anti-climactic.

Today is the last day of February and for... more