Guess who turned out to be the most gullible? If you said me, then you guessed correctly. I mentioned in a previous post that the therapist suggested that I let my children choose not to earn credits and suffer the consequences of their choices. That is what I have done for the last few weeks. I have been having difficulty with getting my daughters to turn in their homework. I have posted notes strategically all over the house to remind them, and then I posted a credit sheet that allows them to earn money for turning in their homework as well as other work. I really could not understand... more

If you have adopted children, who were older than newborns at the time of the adoption, then your children have been seriously hurt by the actions or words of another. Why not make a point this holiday season to talk to your adopted children about forgiveness. Certainly, the wounds left behind by abuse, neglect, or abandonment can leave lasting feelings of anger, bitterness, and the desire to retaliate someday. Many times adopted children repress or deny their feelings of bitterness or anger. Perhaps discussing how you have been hurt, how it made you feel, and how you felt... more

Just in case you have been wondering, there are still nice people out there in the world. Tonight, I left the stove and my computer turned on because I was only going to be gone for about 20 minutes. Lyn takes her piano lessons on Wednesday night. Five of the children and I were running to pick her up. I popped through the Walgreens drive thru afterwards to pick up a couple of prescriptions and that is when I made the fatal mistake. I turned off the van. It wouldn’t start back up, it wouldn’t even turn over, it just clicked. The baby started crying; the two other youngest... more

Tonight we took seven of our children out to dinner, we also invited our 18-year-old son who still lives at home, but he had his own plans of course. It is certainly important to teach your adopted children how to eat in a public place. However, the first several training opportunities can be a little embarrassing for adoptive parents of older children who are not yet familiar with dining out. Those little social subtleties that children we raised from infancy just seem to know without actually being taught are completely missing in the older adopted children.

Therefore... more

I went horseback riding today, something I haven’t had time to do in several weeks. As I gazed at the beautiful fall colors and felt the cool breeze on my face it occurred to me that I hadn’t felt much joy lately. I have been guilty of focusing on the negatives for quite a while instead of the positives. The main reason I’ve obsessed on the negatives is probably because I haven’t made any time for me and what I enjoy doing. Instead, I have been worrying about an adoption, homeschooling five children, and working.

I’ve been really good about telling others,... more

On Sunday afternoon, we attended the annual church harvest party. It was another one of those great bonding opportunities where adopted siblings could make memories with their new family. Sometimes children who are newly adopted to your family feel left out when a sibling is reminiscing with “remember when,” phrases. That is one of the reasons I love these fun outings with our church family. It creates some “remember when” scenarios for all of the children.

When we arrived, some children were already going on hayrides. They were sitting on stacks of straw, loaded on a wagon,... more

Do you want to get rid of some old junk, but you don’t want the hassle of putting together a garage sale? Do you want to teach your adopted children entrepreneurship, have fun in the process, do some bonding, and make money? Some of the older adopted children arrive at your home with a fatalistic attitude about life. One of our daughters frequently admitted that if she tried something, it would turn out bad, so why try. Therefore, you need to do something easy to try to change that attitude and create some enthusiasm through success.

It started this summer when for the first time in 10 years we decided to have a garage sale. That in itself was quite a bonding experience between the... more

Whether you ride bikes with your children as a family activity, or they ride together without you, it is great fun and exercise. I remember riding all over the neighborhood with my siblings when I was growing up. Now, my children enjoy doing the same thing. We live out in the country so the nearest store or gas station is about five miles away. Once the children reach the age of 10, I will let them ride their bikes that far if they wear their helmets and take along a sibling.

It seems to be a great bonding experience for them and a way for them to get to know their... more

If you have adopted an older sibling group, you may need to encourage each child to seek their own friends and hobbies. That might not be as easy as might expect it to be. If the siblings had to depend on each other in their previous home for comfort, food, and protection it may be difficult for you to establish yourself as the parent. The children will naturally try to continue their established roles in your home. The older children, who provided the parenting roles, may not appreciate having their roles usurped.

It can also be difficult to get the younger children... more

The unwritten pact among brothers and sisters, never tell who did it, no matter what. We would rather do extra chores around the house, side by side all week long, be grounded from video games, and not have bedtime treat, then to confess, who did it.

They certainly are not anything like I was as a child. I hate to confess to all of you that I was a brat. If one of my sisters had caused me to do extra chores because she didn’t want to confess her guilt, I probably would have beaten the snot out of her. I am thinking that I would have pummeled her until she confessed... more