You’ve decided on an infant adoption and you would like to help your older children accept the new baby into the family. Why not let the older children look through baby names with you and help you choose. If you already have baby names picked out, then have the older children help choose the spelling of the names. Infant adoption can be stressful on the whole family.

However, including the older siblings in on choosing some of the details can help them to accept and love their new baby. Older siblings can sometimes... more

With all of our teenagers off to summer camps and mission’s trips, Dani, our nine year old has been suddenly thrust into the position of big sister. That esteemed position of the eldest child, the sister whom all the little children look up to as a role model, a leader, and a comforter.

Apparently, she is taking her new role quite seriously. She is doing extra jobs around the house, without being asked to do them. She is doing the jobs that belonged to the teenagers who are currently at camp, and doing them correctly.

She... more

My friend has two adopted daughters at home that happen also to be birth siblings. The girls don’t look much alike but both are quite striking and less than two years apart in age. They suffered many years of chaos before coming into foster care a few years ago. Ever since being placed in my friend’s home they have lived a switching game, and it continues now that they are adopted.

They seem to take turns being the “good” child and the “bad” child. Both are never good at the same time, nor are they both bad at the same... more

Many people who are involved in adoption feel that the pecking order should never be changed by bringing in an older child or children. Our family has violated this status quo many times over the past 14 years of our adoption journey. Since we are licensed foster parents, we have frequently been asked to foster teenagers, which temporarily disrupted the pecking order.

The first children we adopted were two girls. The oldest girl, a 15 year old, was 22 days older than our oldest child was. The second girl was 9, and nearly... more

You are planning a second adopted child, and your first adoption is completely open. What if your second adoption isn’t completely open? How will your second adopted child feel when he is old enough to understand that his big sister sees her birth mother every month and he doesn’t? My husband and I have seven adopted children and four of them have ongoing relationships with their birth families.

When Buck was around six, he began to understand what adoption meant. That is when he really noticed or understood that his sisters were visiting their birth family members. That is what led to him asking why he couldn’t see his birth mother.

First, we contacted his birthmother’s... more

Over at the Christian Adoption blog, we’ve been talking about the love of spiritual family; the love of physical family; and the love of biological family. As we are in the process of adopting a sibling set, I’d like to speak... more

I am getting ready to go out of town for four days and I have very mixed feelings. While I will enjoy the break away from the daily routine, I worry how my trip will affect some of my children. Ben has already been begging to go with me even though I told him that it isn't possible. He has a very difficult time separating from me.

Micheline, on the other hand, puts up a wall and pretends not to care if I leave. To be honest, that kind of behavior is much harder to deal with than the child who clings because she does indeed care very... more

Our attachment therapist is big on the idea of object permanence and constancy for children who have attachment issues. Object permanence generally develops by 18 months of age in a neurotypical child, but in a child who has experienced trauma or multiple breaks in attachment, it may not have developed. Your adopted child may be much older and still not truly believe that you will return when you say you will.

A young child who has not developed an identity separate from his parent may also feel that when you are out of sensory... more

I have a confession to make...not only do I cut my sons' hair and my husband's, I cut my own on occasion. Yes - gasp! - even the back. Partly due to frugality and partly due to time restraints I often do things to save time and money that others might not even consider.

There are plenty of areas where I prefer the "do-it-yourself" type method. Why pay someone else to do what you can do yourself? It's the reason our adoption from Haiti was done independently rather than through an agency.

Does that mean that if... more

After a few years of two steps forward, one step back with some of our kids, we finally found an amazing attachment therapist. I tried a psychologist and social worker or two in the past whose eyes kind of glazed over and who said, "huh?" when I questioned them on their experience with adoption and attachment.

Another who advertised herself as being well-versed in adoption issues had a website where she was wearing face paint in stripes across her cheeks, and held a drum on her lap. Her website said she led women's drumming groups through self-discovery and awareness weekends, and that she went into the mountains every other weekend to "find herself" in her drumming circles. I figured... more