Adopting a Sibling

A lot has been happening on the home front these days. There was my “Easter surprise” in which I had an unexpected 9 day luxury vacation with meals delivered bedside and round the clock attendants. Okay, okay, the attendants were nurses and the food was hospital food but it was still extremely relaxing. While I was on my luxurious "spa" vacation, I got hired for the second job. This was only day 2 of my stay so I optimistically still expected them to walk in and say, "Our mistake, you're perfectly healthy. So I said, "yes" to the job. I started work a week after coming home from the hospital. Just prior to that unexpected sojourn I had begun applying for jobs. It… [more]

I cannot believe The Blitz is already four.  When he came to us at 10 months, he was a happy bobble-headed baby who sat but didn't crawl; who didn't talk but had an award winning smile. He was a bit of a chub back then; it's hard to imagine now since he's such a skinny boy. The Blitz had never lived with his siblings prior to coming here. He met them weekly in visits with bio-Mom but since he was not yet mobile, their interactions were limited.  Therefore, their first weeks in our home were as much about them getting to know each other as getting to know us. Back then, The Captain focused most of his energy on Tinker; at… [more]

I grew up in an exceedingly polite home. No one ever spoke about any kind of bodily functions in even the most polite terms.  I knew all the words but was well into my 30's before I ever said "fart" and even today am more likely to say "toot" or --in a bind -- "flatulence" or passing gas.  We don't talk about vomit and I have never once used the work p-u-k-e. And yet, I live with three little kids learning to talk and much to my discomfort, it seems like we talk about these things all the time. Enter The Captain.  At 34 months he had a vocabulary of only a few words and one phrase "Oh Man!" He had so few… [more]

Our family is Catholic which means at this time of year (season of Lent), we each choose something to "sacrifice."  Little children do not really understand the purpose or goal of this tradition, so we make a choice for them.  This year we decided that the whole family would seek to "bear wrongs patiently." This is hard for me.  It's really hard for young children.  When little ones believed they have been "wronged," they want to shout it from the rooftops. They want retribution. They want justice. I did not have any grand expectations on how this was going to work out. I understand well the process of sacrifice; you give something up, you take it back, you recommit, you slip up, you recommit… [more]

In the fall I sat on an adoption panel with the birth-mother of a 21 year old.  Having the opportunity to talk with her and hear what she shared with the panel reminded me that I cannot give up in my efforts with the birth families of our children.  She reminded us that whether we are hearing from those birth parents or not, they have never, ever forgotten about their children and that is what we need to communicate to our kids. Birth family relationships in foster-adopt are complicated.  I know there are many former foster kids who  cannot have contact with any part of their birth families. In our case, their birth-mother was not the person who harmed them although it… [more]

Because our 3 youngest share their birthmother, they all do look a little alike.  This is a new situation for us as our older two look nothing alike.  Although Pepper is 21 months older than Sunshine, when they were youngsters, they were very close to the same size.  People constantly asked us if they were twins. We thought this was pretty funny since we cannot imagine a world in which they could be twins.  They were, however, very close and I think that people picked up on that "sister" vibe between them. Occasionally people did ask, "Are they real sisters?," to which we replied "Yes," even though we knew they meant "biological sisters."  We did not feel their birth stories were anyone's… [more]

Before I became a parent, I was very interested in cribs, baby bathtubs, tiny clothes and shoes.  I agonized over picking the right pediatrician.  I worried that my child would be sick and I wouldn't notice.  (That actually brings a chuckle now since every mother knows that you more often think they are sick when they are fine than the reverse.) I focused a lot on names (probably appropriate) and cloth vs disposable diapers (less important than it seems at first).  We philosophized about parenting methods but had to use almost none of them on our perfect-at-the-time oldest child.  Could I handle sleep deprivation? Would my husband and I still find time together?  (The answer is "Not at first, but it… [more]

When our little ones arrived, they immediately got nick-names.  This, mainly, was to protect their identities; by referring to them by their nick-names in conversations amongst ourselves, someone overhearing could not determine whom we were speaking about.  We live in a city but it's a "small world," and the kids have a lot of extended family nearby. TInker was the exception.  She got her nickname because she earned it. She was an adorable and hefty 21 month old; as a consequence, walking was a lot of trouble so she spent most of the day scooting around on her bottom and messing with anything she could reach.  She had little interest in toys, but the outlet covers, door stops, and and bits… [more]

Thank goodness school has started again. I cannot believe I am saying those words but all the weeks of freedom and feasting have taken their toll.  The kids needed their school routine and I need time to exercise. On Sunday, I tried to exercise. Here is a little replay of the situation for you. Our cast includes The Captain, Tinker and the Blitz, ages 5, 4 and 3. Mommy:  I am going to spend just 10 minutes exercising.  Can you guys finish your snack and then color those pictures for me? All:  Yes, Mommy. 10 seconds later. Tink: Mom, de boys won't share dere markers with me. Me:  Okay, where are your markers? Tink: Dey are lost. Me:  Boys, please share your markers with Tinker. (Boys generally whine and… [more]

It was our third Christmas with the Littles.  Where has the time gone?  The first year, we had to put a fence around the Christmas tree to keep everyone safe.  Last year, they were still a little confused about the whole process.  This year, they had it all figured out. 3 days before Christmas, The Blitz (3) observed both The Captain (5) and Tinker (4) sitting in time out.  He came into the kitchen and said, "I be pretty good, right Mom?  Santa gonna leave me presents and gifts?" I assured him they would all get presents and gifts; Santa just wants to know you try to make wise choices. I noticed in the weeks before Christmas, I was feeling a bit wistful… [more]